“You know the old phrase “Be careful what you wish for.” Our desire for health and happiness – if fully engaged – sets up a powerful force that removes obstacles in our way. Here’s the rub – the removal of obstacles doesn’t always feel good …or positive.” – Christian Northrop
A year ago I set many intentions for my happiness around love and partnership. I did not know how they would be fulfilled, and in fact, when you set out an intention your focus is on the WHAT not the HOW. I did not consciously realize it would mean the end of my marriage. I secretly hoped that perhaps I would be able to have it all – the great man, spiritual leader, father of my child, and the person who reaches my soul emotionally. (This probably drove the number of times I walked away from my relationship with the Magus too. Energetically, I was not “all in” with him. But I was not “all in” with Bhikku either.)
So, the universe, in its wisdom, kept moving things along. I realize now that to be the person I want to be, to grow, to release carrying others, I need to go through this change. I need to learn forgiveness, for me, for Bhikku, for my family. I need to go inside to release and eliminate what is in you that is causing the adverse condition to manifest in the other person’s life. I have moved away from blame, but I do not tend to see how it is that I am part of the pain in the relationship with another. I have practiced conflict resolution for many, many years, and I have always been able to see the root cause of the pain in the relationship. In fact, I even use Jung’s work on the Shadow when I try to understand conflict between two people. Even though I have explored my underlying beliefs of victimhood, and thought I had overcome them, I see that it is influencing my ability to forgive, and to love.
The Divine spoke to me the other day, and the message was that pain only comes from the past. If you can stay in the now, there is little reason for anger or pain. If I can see a person, truly see them, then I know two things: the person’s soul would never want to hurt mine, and if there is pain, it is OUR pain. Not his alone. Not mine alone. I may be responsible for my own feelings and actions and choices, but the pain I so easily want to project on the Other is really a reflection of my Shadow.
“There is no coming to consciousness without pain.” Carl Gustav Jung
“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” Carl Gustav Jung
“People will do anything, no matter how absurd to stop from facing their souls.” Carl Gustav Jung
“The foundation of all mental illness is the unwillingness to experience legitimate suffering.” Carl Gustav Jung
Denise Linn says: If you want to see the nature of your shadow, be aware of your judgments about others. If you observe something it is not a projection, but if you judge it, it is. If you observe someone throw litter out of their car but you don’t react emotionally, it’s an observation. If you get upset and think, What a disgusting selfish pig! then you are probably projecting. What you judge in others can be a reflection of qualities that you possess, but deny, within yourself. If you are always judging others, then it is likely that your own shadow self is quietly screaming at you.
We are repelled by our own negative projections. And so when Bhikku triggers negativity or anger in me, it is not him that has done that. It is my own Shadow, being projected on his face. If I can forgive me, I can forgive him. But that of course means I need to feel worthy of that forgiveness. Every minute I explain why Bhikku is This or That, I am damaging my own soul, loving myself a little less than I can.