As a young woman, I was enamoured with the idea of a soul mate. I blame Richard Bach for this. I have since learned that what Richard Bach presented as soul mates may really have been more of a spiritual partnership. I was very captivated by books like Anam Cara, because it captured a feeling of longing that has been with me for a very long time.
I believe that sense of longing was for something that is now being called Spiritual Partnership. Marriage can be portrayed as the union of life long lovers, and I think there are some times that occurs. “The archetype of marriage was designed to assist physical survival. When two people marry, they participate in an energy dynamic in which they merge their lives in order to help each other survive physically. The archetype of marriage is no longer functional. Marriage is being replaced with a new archetype that is designed to assist spiritual growth. This is the archetype of spiritual, holy or sacred, partnership.The underlying premise of a spiritual partnership is a sacred commitment between the partners to assist each other’s spiritual growth. ” Gary Zukav
Zukav says that what makes a spiritual, or sacred, partnership is that the souls within the partnership understand that they are together in a committed relationship, but the commitment is not to physical security. It is rather to be with each other’s physical lives as they reflect spiritual consciousness. As I look around, I am struggling to merge two ideals that call to me: the desire for a relationship that would allow me to grow old with someone, and the desire for deep spiritual growth and connection.
I have been married, and when I married it was to a man who is deeply spiritual, and committed to growth. But, where we are at on that path has changed, and it is no longer a path together. In our healing, we are co-parenting, and co-habitating in peace and deep friendship. There is an incredible amount of love and sharing. And there is a sense that we are supporting each other on the journey.
As in the ideal of marriage, there is a commitment between spiritual partners. But the commitment is not to the relationship. The commitment is to the spiritual growth. “They cannot say that they will be together forever. The duration of their partnership is determined by how long it is appropriate for their evolution to be together. All of the vows that a human being can take cannot prevent the spiritual path from exploding through and breaking those vows if the spirit must move on. It is appropriate for spiritual partners to remain together only as long as they grow together.” Gary Zukav
And right there is my dead stop, at least for now. Is it possible for two people to commit to spiritual partnership and be together til death? Is it possible to grow through a relationship with just one person? Osho says “Love is a rare flowering. It happens only sometimes. Millions and millions of people live in the false attitude that they are lovers. They believe that they love, but that is their belief only. Love is a rare flowering. Sometimes it happens. It is rare because it can happen only when there is no fear, never before. That means love can happen only to a very deeply spiritual, religious person. Sex is possible for all. Acquaintance is possible for all. Not love. When you are not afraid, then there is nothing to hide, then you can be open, then you can withdraw all boundaries. And then you can invite the other to penetrate you to the very core.” If deep love occurs through spiritual partnership, through the healing of fear, then the boundary of time – life long partnership – is irrelevant.
I once asked the Magus if he would rather have the most perfect love with someone for a year, or to have a loving companionship for an entire life time. I recall he could not answer, although he may tell me when he reads this that I have repressed his answer. He asked me that question recently, and I could not answer it either. I have had perfect companions, and could not stay in the relationship despite my commitment because that longing for spiritual growth always pushes me. When I think of losing perfect love, my chest clenches and the fear is overwhelming. So in both choices is deep fear. But somewhere deep inside me, I think the answer is that perfect love is everything, and when that is achieved, there is no loss and no fear.
Osho says “If you can allow love to happen, there is no need for prayer, there is no need for meditation, there is no need for any church, any temple. You can completely forget God if you can love — because through love, everything will have happened to you: meditation, prayer, God. EVERYTHING will have happened to you. That’s what Jesus means when he says: Love is God. But love is difficult. Fear has to be dropped.”
Would I accept perfect love knowing there will be no fear? Absolutely. It is the fear I fear!
So, I step forward on this journey of spiritual partnership, feeling like the Fool in Tarot. I think that I know what this is all about, and I already know that is wrong. But, some part of me knows this is right, knows this is the path and all I have to do is take one step. And I can love. I am Love.