I was asked if I could have a tantric relationship that did not have a relationship attached to it. Like anything that gets a strong reaction from me, it is worth playing with. And since I am learning to listen to my head, my heart, and my body, this is a great question to work through.
The idea that resonates in that question was could I have an energetic and spiritual experience with someone without having a relationship with them, and would that be a good fit for my desire for spiritual evolution and sharing of that with someone. On the surface, there are a few assumptions to explore. Tantra uses sexual energy but is not necessarily a sexual relationship in my mind. I have been in classes of people that were clothes on individual experiences, and had the exact same experience that I did doing tantric exercises with a partner. So, could I do that? The answer is that I already have.
But to me the deeper question is could I have a relationship with a person that is tantric, designed for spiritual evolution, and that may be our only intersection point. We would not share much more than the spiritual practice. And my body screams out No. It is not the spiritual practice that draws me to some sort of relationship. What I have not done in this lifetime is experience myself deeply and intimately with another at all levels WITHOUT the burden of false beliefs or conditions. So, it is that experience I want, rather than worrying about the conditions, norms, expectations of relationship. I don’t want to worry about marriage, or about who takes out the garbage. I don’t want to go through attraction, infatuation, communion and intimacy. I have done that over and over, and while it is lovely, it is not interesting to me.
“Romantic love is like a drug. It produces euphoria, energy and vitality. You think you’ve found someone to complete your life – it’s a high. But when that drug wears off, everything you felt before you took the drug returns. That is the moment of disillusionment. You think love is gone, but the illusion is gone. This is the time that most people go back and look for someone else to provide this feeling of euphoria. But you will eventually see this person for who they really are, and the feeling of romance will again fade. When you find someone you think is completing you, make a list of the things you love about that person. Those traits are qualities that you have the capability of cultivating within yourself. Another person can never give you those things. The disintegration of romantic love, is not a tragic loss. Rather, it is the beginning of the possibility of real growth within you.” Gary Zukav I am already a person who is deeply loving, wise, and able to grow and heal. I do not need a romantic relationship.
I want the spiritual experience of surrender, higher levels of awareness and reality, and the ecstasy of communion with deeper love. And I want to experience myself in that relationship. Which means some level of vibrational harmony with another. It means having some level of committed relationship so that growth can be triggered. (But it is the nature of that relationship that MUST be outside of societal norms and expectations of traditional relationship.) Zukav says when you interact with another, an illusion is part of this dynamic. This illusion allows each soul to perceive what it needs to understand in order to heal.
“Each time you choose not to act on a frightened part of your personality, you create authentic power—and you grow spiritually. The frightened parts of your personality come less frequently and with less intensity, and the loving parts fill more and more of your consciousness. Eventually the frightened parts of your personality lose their sway over you entirely, and only the loving parts remain. When this happens, jealousy, resentment, inferiority, superiority, are no longer obstacles to your spiritual growth. They are opportunities for it! They are broad avenues that lead to exactly where you want to go, to fulfillment and joy, awareness and freedom—if you choose to take them. The hardest times to choose love become the very times that you can most grow spiritually. In fact, they are the only times you can grow spiritually!” Gary Zukav
Honestly, I am getting tired of spinning my wheels on this, and on the how. I just want to say STOP (to my egoic mind). I saw this on Facebook today and it hit a home run with me:
“I have heard so many theories on the question of whether we are complete on our own, or only complete if we are with another. Because of all the pressure to be partnered, so many people walk around feeling badly if they are on their own, and many others stay where they don’t belong for fear that they will be seen as a …failure outside of relationship. All of this misses the point. What is most important is that each of us lives a life that is true to path, whatever that means to us. For some, their sacred purpose is inextricably linked to love relationship. It is there that they excavate and manifest their deepest meaning. Yet others are called in a different direction and find their purpose in their creative life, in their work, in their individual spiritual practice. Everyone’s soul-scriptures are unique to their own journey. The important thing in life is not whether we find the “one”, but whether we find the path.”
So instead of questions about the HOW of my experience, my space to grow right now is about The Path. I am trusting and will be patient enough to let all possibilities to be present for me. I don’t think questions about relationship, or tantra, or any form at all are the right ones for me. Instead, the right questions are about my Self. My infinite self. That is the only place that matters.
“In this expanded state, spiritual solutions spontaneously emerge. Instead of trying to relying on the limited resources of the ego-mind, you let yourself be guided by your true self, which is the source of all peace, clarity, and wisdom. With clearer vision, you no longer feel confused and conflicted. As you continue to evolve, you enter the level of pure awareness. In this state, no problems exist. You are aligned with the infinite field of all possibilities. There is no struggle, and your desires are spontaneously fulfilled. Although it may seem like it takes a long time on the spiritual path to reach pure awareness, exactly the opposite is true: At every moment, pure awareness is in contact with you, sending creative impulses. All that matters is how open you are to the answers being presented. “DeepakChopra
And so it is.