“I know how I deserve to be treated,” said Violet, a new vampire on True Blood (keep laughing – everyone has a guilty pleasure!). I don’t usually look to vampires for truth but the universe will speak what we need to hear through any voice. In the moment Violet said that, I felt the hollowness that comes when I see a blind spot of my own.
Earlier that day, when I was talking through some relationship healing, my soul friend looked me in the eyes and said, “You deserve more.” Instead of a sense of love or peace, I felt panic at that idea. I don’t know what more I deserve. I’ve been told before that my vision for me is too small. That I don’t see my truth and my value. So when that message shows up three different ways, I start to pay attention.
In truth, I have been unhappy in relationship for the last 5 years. I know this to be a result of my consciousness, not the people involved. The relationships ended because growth was occurring and the relationship no longer fit. If I want any demonstration of my consciousness shift, it is present in the deep healing and spiritual partnership that has evolved with my child’s father. It is a deeply loving and spiritually grounded relationship. It is not a couple relationship but that doesn’t diminish it. That has become a tool for spiritual growth.
“Consider the one thing that is required for any relationship to flourish: knowing who we really are. While there is a natural tendency to find an identity in our roles in life, our personality, our work, our body, our culture, our stories of the past, and our dreams for the future, in reality, these are all temporary, external aspects of ourselves. Who we really are is eternal and unbounded. Our true self is pure love and pure spirit. While our ego-mind may feel isolated and separate, our essential nature is whole and inextricably connected to the universe. Therefore, our journey towards miraculous relationships isn’t about searching for anything outside of ourselves. It’s about discovering the love that is already within us, and expressing it in all of our relationships.” -Deepak Chopra
This weekend, another soul on a journey expresed his concern about what he saw as vagueness in my vision for relationship. I answered with excitement that it was because I was still in process and that my old preconceptions didn’t apply. So my vision is more directional. He was concerned about how false beliefs could move into the vagueness. I think the vagueness is my lack of recognition of my magnificence. There is a part of me that is scared to aim too high. But I know Like attracts Like, and so I will let that universal law manifest without limitation.
I admit I’m confused. And I’m ok with that. I am in grief and that takes time to heal. I’ve confused respite from grief with the potential for a relationship. I deserve more.
I’m not concerned with having a vision for relationship. The universe knows I want one and it will be a manifestation of my consciousness. I’m focused on knowing who I am, being in my Unlimited Potential, and watching how the world changes as I bring a higher vibration into it. I am exploring a path to living from my own immutable source. When I live from this place, I realize that happiness is my essential nature and mine to claim at any moment.
Because I deserve more.