“What is your vision for yourself? What do you think your purpose is?” asked my business partner. What I love about this man is that he elicits potential from me that is my inner secret…he makes my audacious dreams seem realistic and practical. This time I was excited and scared at the same time.
I envisioned building something bigger than my consulting practice. He visioned possibilities for me too that went beyond the plan I had for our meeting. He was pushing my comfort zone, and doing it on a day that I was in an uncomfortable state, not my best co-creation space. In a burst of insight, I realized this connected to my question about what I deserve. As he critiqued my website, I suddenly saw that he understood how to give form to some of my dreams. Dreams I feared to express because they were not safe or manageable.
“You are right,” I said to him, “my success isn’t in the tools I use or the theory behind my work. Yeah, I have done a lot in business and I can unlock organizational potential. But my real talent comes in how I show up, in how I do things. The love I bring, and holding consciousness for the person or organization until they are ready to do it themselves. Until they see it and believe it. ” But none of my marketing tools say that, and my business development is very traditional. I went to bed with these things on my mind. Was I ready to take a big gulp in and revamp the whole thing? I knew the answer was yes.
Today, I joined a conference call with Alaya Gold. Alaya is a Business Shaman who combines her Psychic abilities with her Business School training to help Spiritual Entrepreneurs create Purposeful and Profitable businesses that support their Divine lifestyle and Soul expression in the world. With my metaphysical bent, you would laugh to know I was skeptical of her. I was sitting in on the call for research purposes, since my tantra teacher and I had discussed blending divine feminine principles with business – a lot like what Alaya does. But, if I am honest, a lot of my business success is due to my intuition and my own psychic skills so who was I to hold back exploring this?
I liked the ideas she shared, and found myself respecting her blending of masculine and feminine ideas and energies. At the end, she asked (begged?) people to open with questions for her to coach. Having been in the situation she was in a hundred times, I volunteered my question about business and about personal purpose.
“What I hear from you,” she said, “is that your have done the work transforming yourself and others and it is time for a much bigger vision for you. You have to go beyond transforming individuals and take on a bigger purpose of leading people to awareness of their truth. It is time for you to teach tools for living authentically, write books, and deliver seminar. You are here to teach a deeper truth and purpose to people.”
Inwardly I laughed and clenched. I just signed up for my trip to John of God. I am not going for any traditional healing. I am going to learn about love, and about my purpose and about how to live in a state of joy, grace and love. I am going to strip away the last of my false beliefs and open into my highest self. To serve my purpose. And to feel love. I want to feel love.
I clenched. Who am I to do this work? This is too big. I fear I will get lost in it. That I will not experience the relationships I want, or have the fulfillment in my heart that I desire. As much as I want to say yes, I also want to say no. So, now I at least know what one of my blockages to unlimited possibility is.