I am in love. Totally, completely, whole heartedly in love…with tantra. I have been studying it for a year now, but I would say it has really become my home in the last few months. And I think that is because I have found a good teacher. I have been studying with Christopher Hareesh Wallis through the virtual courses. I listen to most of the recordings 5 or 6 times, and each time I find something new that completely and totally makes me vibrate with new awareness.
But the falling in love is really falling in love with me. And then with everything else.
One of the most important aspects of tantra for me personally is coming to accept and love myself as an individualized aspect of the divine. I can let go of all the ways in which I am not good enough. I can breathe into my heart and return to me in a few breaths. And I can finally stop suffering at the whim of my egoic mind.
On my journey, the idea of having boundaries became important. Psychology tells us that a healthy person (a healthy ego?) has appropriate boundaries. I have spent time reviewing my relationships and drawing boundaries. And I have been on the receiving end of people who have felt they had to draw boundaries with me.
Occasionally I equate judging a person with the need to establish a boundary. Recently it occurred to me that the need for boundaries is dualistic and denies my spiritual truth. Instead, what is being triggered? What does that boundary artificially give me instead of taking on the challenge of processing the energy trigger from that person?
If I go into that space, where I suddenly see the world in a more real way than it usually exists for me, I realize that boundaries are ways of living a preference. If I don’t like the feeling of something, I can set a boundary. End a relationship. Instead of letting the energy flow through me and pass away, leaving insight and awareness, I can close up the energy, block it out, or in, and feel self satisfied that I did the right thing. I set a boundary.
To me, that is about liking, not loving. If I can accept what is as it is, I don’t need a boundary. In some way, boundaries are meant to protect the ego, not the soul. While I am not saying it is a requirement to be a martyr to the energy demands of every person we encounter, I think that as I settle in to that truer self, I become less concerned about those boundaries. I become more concerned with the energy pattern in me, and in how I can see the beauty of the divine being reflected in the other person.
One day, I will probably understand that the other is not other at all. I am not quite there yet. But to attain that tantric principle, it is highly unlikely that I will get to that understanding by establishing boundaries.