The Pieces Don’t Fit Anymore by James Morrison

I’ve been twisting and turning,
In a space that’s too small.
I’ve been drawing the line and watching it fall,
You’ve been closing me in, closing the space in my heart.
Watching us fading and watching it all fall apart.

[Chorus]
Well I can’t explain why it’s not enough, Cause I gave it all to you.
And if you leave me now, oh just leave me now.
Its the better thing to do,
Its time to surrender,
Its been too long pretending.
There’s no use in trying,
When the pieces don’t fit anymore, Pieces don’t fit here anymore.

You pulled me under,
I had to give in.
Such a beautiful myth,
That’s breaking my skin.
Well I’ll hide all the bruises,
I’ll hide all the damage that’s done.
But I show how I’m feeling until all the feeling has gone.

[Chorus]

Oh don’t misunderstand,
How I feel.
Cause I’ve tried, yes I’ve tried.
But still I don’t know why, no I don’t know why.
I don’t know why, why!

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I Do Not Love You Except Because I Love You

I do not love you except because I love you;
I go from loving to not loving you,
From waiting to not waiting for you
My heart moves from cold to fire.

I love you only because it’s you the one I love;
I hate you deeply, and hating you
Bend to you, and the measure of my changing love for you
Is that I do not see you but love you blindly.

Maybe January light will consume
My heart with its cruel
Ray, stealing my key to true calm.

In this part of the story I am the one who
Dies, the only one, and I will die of love because I love you,
Because I love you, Love, in fire and blood.

Pablo Neruda

Pseudo-consciousness

According to Wikipedia, pseudoscience is a claim, belief, or practice which is presented as scientific, but does not adhere to a valid scientific method, lacks supporting evidence or plausibility, cannot be reliably tested, or otherwise lacks scientific status. Things that are characterized as pseudoscience are often discussed using the look and feel of science.  The term pseudoscience is used in a derogatory way, usually by people who value science, to refer to things that are masquerading at scientifically founded. Of course, it is easy to determine if something is scientific or not, as there are clearly articulated principles of science.

But what about pseudo-consciousness? Society has embraced the trend of non-denominational spirituality in the West.  There are talk show hosts who speak consciousness at us. Yoga studios are more popular than the gym. We can download meditation files, and there are now post secondary Holistic Health practitioner certificates. At what point is it possible that by making the norms and concepts of consciousness mainstream, we have lost the essence of spiritual consciousness?

In Tantra Illuminated, we are told that for a thing to be spiritually true, it must be built on three legs, so to speak.  The first leg is that it occurs in scripture; the second leg is that a living teacher teaches it; and the third is that it is experientially true for you.  Scripture of some sort is almost like peer reviews – at some time, a group of seekers felt it was important enough and agreed to document a truth.  A living teacher can reflect and coach you in your experience.  Scripture balances out false teachers to an extent. Teachers balance out our blind spots.  And ultimately, if you cannot access it yourself at some level, it is not yet a truth for you. From where are we garnering the essence of spiritual truth today?

I have sat at some of the conscious community gatherings, and enjoyed listening to the variety of people on their journeys.  Some people are at the early stages of their path, and I smile as I listen to the same issues being debated that I debated 20 years ago.  Others are living their consciousness as easily as they breathe.  It is beautiful, and a taste of the divine experience in its fullness.

Occasionally, though, the language of consciousness is used as a mask for good old fashioned co-dependency, arrogance, and repression.  It appears in forms like “I forgive you, because that is about me, but you really need to do your healing work,” or “I need to set a boundary with you, because I need to take care of myself first” when what it is in response to is disappointment that the other did not behave as you hoped.  Phrases like “I know you are going through your own stuff now, but I am really disappointed in how you expressed yourself” can sound caring, and even be authentic, unless it masks the need for an individual to show up the way YOU think they should show up or be in that situation.  Each of those phrases moves to focus on to the Other, and can be a way of avoiding looking at how energy in the self is stuck, or what was triggered in the self.

There is an undercurrent in Western society where self help is a valued activity, particularly in the realm of spiritual development.  We work from an assumption that we are not good enough, or not fully healed, and it is through constant self improvement like yoga, vegetarianism, meditation and the like that we can redeem ourselves.  It is not dramatically different from the piousness that was valued a hundred years ago – eating fish on Fridays, doing penance, and serving the church may have transmuted into a new form of  self-flagellation that we call consciousness.

If we are to set standards of consciousness, consider the Buddhist principles:

  • Universality principle – “How would I like it if someone did this to me?”
  • Consequences – Does the act cause harm and regret (in oneself or others) or benefit and joy?
  • Utilitarian principle – Will the act help or harm the attainment of goals (ultimately spiritual liberation)?
  • Intention – Is the act motivated by love, generosity and understanding?

Simply sprinkling the words of consciousness into our everyday interactions is a form of pseudo-consciousness to me. This YouTube video   called “Things New Age Girls Say” may have been tongue in cheek, but it would not have been made or been as funny if we could not relate to it, imagine people we know who are like this in some way.

The solution to me is true authenticity.  “Authentic’ means from the source or origin. Being authentic in a spiritual sense means ‘as expressed directly from the source’, through the soul. It is the raw, naked, unhindered expression of beingness of the soul. Authenticity is a quality of being.” –Trinty Bourne If we are expressing from soul, and from source, we are less likely to be talking about the other, and more likely to be inquiring into ourselves.  It is said we do not experience the world as it is; we experience it as we are.

And of course, simply by writing this, I am faced with needing to look at myself, my beliefs, and how my own triggers are reflected in everything I have written.  And that is all ok with me.

Heart and Soul?

vision 1Why is it we have the image that enlightenment or living in soul consciousness is incompatible with being in a romantic relationship? Is it centuries of unmarried clergy living a life meant to reflect the choices of spiritual leaders such as Jesus? Buddha was married.  Muhammed was married. And yet, when I speak to people about the purpose of romantic relationship (in the context of spiritual partnership not traditional relationship), they remind me that truly accomplished spiritual people do not have a romantic relationship.  Some even tell me that being enlightened makes it unlikely you can find a compatible person for relationship.

Like any newly spiritually inspired person, I have spent a few months now believing I do not want a relationship.  I have not done well in traditional relationship, and I now know it is because I must be in spiritual partnership first and foremost.  In a healing ritual, I burst out in tears, acknowledging that I did not want a relationship, and that I feared that lack of wanting one would mean I would never have one.  My wise healers reminded me it isn’t true, that I can leave space in my life for a relationship when I am open and ready for that.  And as much as that advice made me sigh in relief, I found myself unable to envision the type of relationship that would interest me. But, I have left space for it; in my soul is the knowledge that I want and that I embody romantic spiritual partnership.

Often, people turn to these relationships to experience love, to be in love.  I have had profound experiences of being love, being inside love, during meditation. The sense of love emitted from opening to love.  I suddenly saw that love was me, I was love, and that I could sense that same love in other beings at the higher levels of themselves.auralovers2

“And it’s interesting that as long as you are under the illusion that what you are loving is “out there,” you will always experience a separateness. It is only when you begin to understand that if you and I are truly in love, if I go to the place in me that is love and you to the place in you that is love, we are “together” in Love. We start to understand that what love means is that we are sharing a common state together. That state exists in you and it exists in me.

Now the enlightened being… what happens to him is that he changes the nature of his love object from a specific love object to it all, finally. You would say that an enlightened being is totally in love with the universe, in the sense that everything in the universe turns him on to that place in himself where he is love and consciousness. So I would say that an interpersonal relationship that has any qualities of possessiveness in it, or ego drama of any kind, certainly undergoes changes as the nature of consciousness changes…”Ram Dass, 1971 lecture at the Menninger Foundation

aurapolarity_jpg_w300h300With all this “in love”, then what is the purpose of romantic relationship? One teacher tells me that it is a deep preference for how he wants to live, and so that is what he is attracting.  I am not so sure that a deep preference is enough for me, although I would acknowledge that I too have a deep preference for romantic relationship.  So I started to separate out the soul relationship from the interpersonal one.  At the level of soul, I have started to feel a contentment with all relationships, and can be moved deeply by simple gestures and kindnesses from others.  I take joy in being part of the interaction. I do not find myself feeling lonely any longer.  I enjoy companionship, and I enjoy silence.

So why romantic relationship? If I can be happy with interpersonal relationships because I see the soul in them, why this inner call to romantic relationship? I think the answer is about harmony.  I think for me I am striving to bring a harmony between my soul work and my heart work.  It is a version of the swirling energy of Shakti and Shiva.  Some say that our romantic relationships are where we do our healing.  I think there is something more than even that at play, because we can be triggered and do our healing in all relationships – we just open ourselves more in the romantic relationship. And at some point, if you move past ego drama, is there still a purpose in the relationship? Spiritual partnership often is described as a relationship that exists until all the growth that is possible is done.  While that is true, I wonder how two conscious souls can truly ever be done?

“Too many people in the West have given up on marriage. They don’t understand that it is about developing a mutual admiration of someone, a deep respect and trust and awareness of another human’s needs,” he says. “The new easy-come, easy-go relationships give us more freedom – but less contentment.” – Dalai Lama

I think the flaw in the view of spiritual partnership is the idea that two people will stop growing together, and that this is true and possibly inevitable.  I suspect this depends on why they came into spiritual partnership.  If one is truly committed to awareness and enlightenment, this process will not stop.  The experience of energy, of movement, of opening and loving continue in so much as both people maintain their commitment to that process.  And it is the interpersonal relationship that becomes the ground whereby all the experiences necessary to move into deeper consciousness will manifest, as long as that is the founding belief of the relationship.holding_hands

Do I want passionate encounters overwrought with physical desire? No.  Do I want a man who must always be touching me, who must talk to me every few hours of the day? No.  I love a partner who is committed to his consciousness and his purpose.  A partner who walks on the beach with me and tell me about the energy he feels from where the moon hits the water.  I love a partner who will hold me when I am crying, but who is also recognizing my truth as I release the energy of those tears – not letting me identify with the source of the pain.  I love a partner who co-creates with me.  A partner who sits back and watches me, and when my eyes catch his, it is consciousness greeting consciousness.  For that relationship, there is infinite space in my heart and in my soul.