The Pint Sized Priestess

My little one has true spiritual clarity and often gives me excellent insight. The Magus suggested I start a mini blog stream of her best “lines”. I thought that was brilliant. 

So, a few weeks ago I misread the start time for a movie we were going to see. We ended up an hour too early.  I aoologized to her for the wait.  To which she said, “Mommy it doesn’t matter if we are too early.  It matters how we live our lives.”

Indeed.

It is Ok to be Monogamous…Really!

death2Recently I read a well written and provocative blog entitled Five Reasons Why Monogamy is an Absolute Bar to World Peace.   It is well stated, well thought out and makes an attempt to bring the integrity of a Course in Miracles into alignment with how one lives in relationship.  The extension of how we think into how we manifest is brilliant.

And I don’t agree.

I remember the first time I was faced with the argument that there was no historical Jesus.  It was Christmas – ironically – and I was watching the Jesus Mysteries documentary on TV.  I was angry and shocked.  And then I started to read more books about it.  I found myself not only open to the idea that there was no historical Jesus, but being inspired, opened, freed and uplifited by the thought.  I allowed me a deeper dive into consciousness and connection with the Divine, and I could respect the teachings related to Jesus in a loving way.

So, I have been challenged over the last year by how I feel about monogamy as well.  I respect polyamory.  I have no ethical dilemma with it, and see it as a way of living in integrity with one’s preferences and needs for honesty, freedom and deep connection by working through the issues that arise in multiple relationship circumstances. It just isn’t for me.  But, neither is traditional marriage.  And that is where I find myself in agreement with the ideas in the Five Reasons blog, just not the rationale.

Monogamy is a social construct.  It was designed as a social construct to maintain the rights of property and only in the last few centuries have we associated romantic love with marriage.  Marriage served as a mechanism for social control, and was based in a value system of patriarchy.  The arguments that monogamy reinforces fear of separation, territoriality, a mind set of exclusivity or elitism (married people vs single) are all valid arguments. And if the author had used the phrase “the social construct of monogamy”, I would be applauding the blog and reposting it.  The same way that it is patriarchy and not MEN that results in violence against women, it is the underlying need for control that is in the rules of monogamy that create separateness, not the choice to be monogamous in relationship.

Monogamy, or the preference to be in a committed intimate relationship with one person, is not necessarily the root of all evil.  A person who rejects monogamy can just as easily do it from or live within a fear of separation, territoriality, jealousy, possessiveness, etc.  It is not the nature of the relationship that causes it.  As always, when we create things and manifest things, it is based on our consciousness level.  Thankfully, the universe does not manifest our ego desires or the world would be a brutal and dangerous place.  We manifest from the clarity and purity of our consciousness.  So, if you are in a consciousness of separateness, which is ultimately what we are here to heal whether it is part of dis-ease, relationship or a block to awakening to higher consciousness, then you will manifest that separateness.  It is not the construct or the behaviour of monogamy that creates and manifests in our collective consciousness.  It is our blocks to love, our blocks to the divine, the blocks we have to the truth of our unity with all people that creates the falseness that allows us to hurt others.

It is possible to love everyone and everything while also being in a variety of relationships.  It is possible as a woman, to love many men and to choose unique relationship dynamics with each of those men.  It is possible to have a sexual relationship with only one man and love several others.  It is possible to have a sexual relationship with many men and love all of them. In tantra, we accept all that is, including ourselves and our preferences.  By rejecting the preference for monogamy, you are in fact still reinforcing separateness, suggesting there is only one right way to love.

I choose monogamy because it is the way in which I experience deep intimacy with another.  It keeps the energy focused in a relationship, to an extent.  I am highly empathic and sensitive to energy, so when other energies become mixed in to my intimate relationships, it becomes difficult for me, confusing, and the vibration drains me.  That doesn’t make it wrong – just not my preferred space for fully expressing myself.

And so, to the wonderful author of the blog about monogamy and world peace, I congratulate the consciousness she is trying to reflect in striving for something higher and more pure, more beautiful on this planet.  I will join her in the consciousness of love and wholeness.  I will create from a place of divine love in all my relationships.  And I am going to continue to be monogamous while I do it.

 

Skepticism and Healing

How do you reconcile the Mind with one’s spirituality? Most traditions of yoga are clear that moving past the chatter and skepticism of the Mind is key to attaining deeper levels of Consciousness.  The Mind is considered a tool of the Ego.  And yet, the Mind itself will provide more than enough ammunition to ensure we don’t let Ego die.  One of the best tools in the Egoic tool kit is skepticism.

I have returned from Brazil, having spent two weeks with John Of God.  During this time, I witnessed many healing events and I witnessed my own transformation.  If you have read this blog before, you have seen the movement of healing from co-dependency, emotional release, relationship issues, health issues, and general chatter of the mind.  My purpose in the journey to John of God was not in seek of a miracle.  It was to devote myself to moving past the chatter of the Mind.

dogmaThe first days I was there, the Ego was very happy reminding me of all the reasons I should be anxious.  Crime stats, social issues…ultimately questioning why in the world I had decided to come to be with a medium for two weeks.  Of course, I have served as a platform medium in the past, so the subtle realms of spirit are not foreign to me, but I have abandoned them for some time.  The Great Hall was filled on my first day, and the energy of compassion, healing, surrender and hope was overwhelming.  I nearly fainted three times from the energy in the room, until I remembered to ground the energy.

Let’s be clear on what healing is: it is not necessarily an instantaneous physical transformation of health status.  Healing is defined as closing the gap between our spiritual nature and that of the divine.  Healing works from the perspective that all dis-ease originates in the spiritual realm, moves into patterns of thinking at the level of mind, is energized by our emotions and ultimately shows up in the body.  So, as one is more in tune with divine nature, changes in the mind and emotions and body naturally follow.

Despite my healing background, I found myself facing every day with skepticism.  At each stage in the healing sessions, I would question and resist what was happening…until it was happening to me.  I balked at the idea of spiritual surgery.  But it was no different than a Reiki session or a healing touch session, or a deep meditation – at least on the surfacrystal bedce.  What I experienced was 20 times more energetically charged than anything I have experienced in those modalities.  In the surgery, I felt deep release in my mental, emotional and physical levels. I was wiped out! I slept for two days, and found my mind becoming calmer and calmer.  Things that bothered me in the past were no longer able to grip me.  My chakras were more charged than ever before.  I had a crystal bed session where the energy in the chakras felt so high I thought I was getting heated up by the lights from the bed.  But when I put my hand between my chakra and the light, there was no heat.  The heat was coming from me and my rising energy.

We visited a sacred waterfall for a ritual of release.  I do a similar yoga practice each day where I offer up blockages and shower myself with new energy.  The waterfall energy literally knocked me over.  I became so dizzy near the waterfall I lost my breath.  There was nothing physical that could explain this experience.  The skeptic in me tried!

We are taught to question these experiences as potential hoaxes.  And yet we accept the medical field without the same skepticism.  Why is that? We write off authentic demonstrations of mind in the form of the Placebo Effect and call it an error term.  We use medicines derived from nature, but consider naturopathy as a suspicious health practice.  I have never had a holistic practitioner criticize my physician, but the same respect is not accorded in return.  I have never suffered from a holistic or spiritual practitioner’s treatment, but I have had a doctor try to put me under the knife when there were less invasive options available, and which only became options from my skepticism about the necessity of the surgery.  I have been prescribed medicines with serious side effects, and found naturally effective and safe alternatwaterfallives.  But those occurred because of my skepticism – of the medical system.

Why is that? In The Laughing Jesus, the authors posit that fundamentalism is a response from religions where the power base is dying.  Is it possible that the same argument could be made for medicine? The religion of medicine is being replaced by health promotion and naturopathy, alternative modalities and spiritual treatments.  The day of the doctor as absolute power is no longer as certain.  Patient not only question the medical system, they are exiting it.  There was a time when midwives were seen as hacks. Today, a legitimate field of practice has emerged for midwives, and the sorely  overworked OBGYN has breathed a sigh of relief.  There simply are not enough doctors, and so the system is slowly recognizing that for low risk pregnancies, a different experience is possible.  This is a far cry from the time when the medical profession discredited midwives as witches.

diffUltimately, skepticism can be a tool for inquiry and for moving through ego.  It can be our best friend, or the block we face when searching for something deeper.  I am glad I spent time with my skepticism, and learned that opening to my deeper intuition has been the healing I have been looking for all along.

Everyday Miracles

I am in the airport finishing the 20 hour journey back from Brazil where I spent two weeks with John of God. I know some people have a strong and fearful reaction to him.  I have no experience that would cause that in me.  Instead,  I witnessed miracles every day. 

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It is hard to try to share such a sacred experience.  Do I tell you about the love and compassion I witnessed? About the people who couldn’t  walk until they came? The stories I heard about cancer disapprearing? The doctors in my group who  couldn’t explain what they saw? No, there are many books out there about him that can do much more than me. 

The every day miracles were my own so that is the story I can tell.  I went to the Casa obsesed with egoic thought. Overwhelmed with feelings of grief, loss,  abandonment and disconnect from the divine. What I found was a deep peace inside myself.  A stillness. A radiant loving quiet.

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I spent hours and days in meditation.  At this time I was giving and receiving.  I would ebb and flow from ego to consciousness and back. Until I didn’t.  It stopped.

My second favorite time was my time in service.  Preparing food for others on their journey gave me quiet joy. 

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I realized I’ve let my gifts in healing and mediumship rest dormant. Every day I felt my own ability to serve others in their healing and their consciousness become more alive. The beauty in listening and connecting was life giving.

In time, my days will be alive with spiritual purpose and fulfilling relationships.  My relationship with myself is my priority. From there, I am in love with all else. And that is an everyday miracle.

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Embodying Surrender

A pink lotus flower and lily pads with saturated color“In Buddhism we usually say it doesn’t matter what we do, it matters how aware we are. It shows that the outer and inner are totally inseparable. It is what we are that counts, but that is what we do, actually. Our inner state shows up in our behavior…” Lama Surya Das

It is less than 3 days before my Pilgrimage, and the realness of it hit yesterday.  My ego consciousness has been reasserting itself in familiar ways, like whispering how alone I am, or how ridiculous it is to travel to Brazil when all the teachings I need have been coming to me by audio file…lol. I have toyed with the idea of not going, because my daughter asked me if I really needed to go.  I have cried and cried and cried.  I have even felt a deep panic that I am doing the wrong thing. All this makes sense since I have jokingly said that my egoic consciousness is not coming back from this trip.

In my studies today, I was reminded of a few truths.  One is what ego really is: ego is those ways of thinking that reinforce the idea of separateness.  Fears and doubts are ways of the ego convincing you of the necessity of the ego.  I was also reminded that consciousness is about surrender, versus trying to make something different.  Surrender is about being with what is.  Every moment is a communication with consciousness, and so there is no wrong journey.  It is true that I do not have to go on this journey, and that I will learn and grow from every experience in front of me.  No special teacher or program is needed.  But, when I heard about this Pilgrimage, something in me stirred deeply, and that is the part of me that is Truth.  let-go-of-worry

How will I show up? How will I reflect my inner state in my behaviour? For me, it starts with surrender.  It is all ok that my ego is behaving as it is, as long as I continue to recognize that and not identify with it.  It is not about simply repressing the ego state. I have enough tricks and tools to probably move away from my emotions easily; I could meditate and calm my body.  I could go visit people or talk to people and have a cathartic experience to drain the emotion.  I could get myself busy with things and push away the fear. But that is not surrender.  Surrender involves not grasping at the emotions, nor grasping at the release of the emotion.  Surrender means an examination of these fears, their source, and their movement.  To lovingly notice all my experience, including the Knowing that has already become aware that I am not my ego.  That is surrender too. Inquiry, meditation, awareness – these are all surrender

When I do this, how I see myself changes.  I am not looking to find a more beneficial state and avoid my experience of emotion – although I have spent a lot of my life attempting exactly that.  Ego does not allow everything to be.  If ego allows everything to be, then there is peace and happiness – and no need for ego.  The ego will stop allowing experience to be as it is; it will push for the exertion of personal will. “The ideal… is to allow negative emotions to form and dissipate without leaving any trace in the mind. Thoughts and emotions will continue to surface, but they will not proliferate and will lose their power to enslave us.”- Matthieu Ricard

How much of Self can be let go? That is my daily mantra.  How much more can I open to?  “What is the deepest place I can act from right now? By deepest we mean most open, most loving, and most authentic” – Christopher Hareesh Wallis. It is no wonder that one of my favorite songs has this line in it: “I release and I let go, I let the Spirit run my life. And my heart is op-en wide”. Michael Beckwith

higher-self3I am moving towards Life without ego.  Life without a need for power, control, resistance, grabbing…My will and that of the Divine move more and more closely into alignment.  I unite with the will of the Universe, and deeply trust what occurs as I harmonize with the beauty of Life.  And so it is.