It is midnight, and you roll over, unable to sleep for your restlessness and your longing. You look over at the empty side of the bed, and mourn the loss of your lover. Or you fear that he will never be in that bed, gently breathing in his dreams. And right there, in that moment, you have created loneliness, aloneness and separation.
Even when one is aware of the Laws of Attraction, how to create and manifest, it is possible to get caught in a cycle where you create from limitation. Esther Hicks, a teacher of the entity known as Abraham, provided an insight to me on this. She reminds us that we spend far more time explaining why we want something different, and a lot less time living in the vibration of that new thing. So, we may complain about why we don’t have money, instead of living in the feeling of having all the money we want. We complain about why we need a new job, instead of living in the feeling of living our purpose. And we suffer and mourn from the absence of our lover, instead of living from a state of being deeply and profoundly in love. “Do not suffer the absence of your lover,’ Esther tells us, ” Be fully in the presence of your creation. ” It is the joy of creation that counts, the process, and not the outcome. It is recognizing every moment, every sign, every new vibration that is saying YES to your creation that reminds us we are divine co-creators.
“You have the power to evoke from others the relationships that you desire. But you cannot get to a new-and-improved situation by giving your attention to a current situation that is lacking. The Universe, and all physical and Non-Physical players in it, is responding to the Vibrations that you are offering; and there is no distinction made between the Vibrations that you offer as you observe, and the Vibrations that you offer as you imagine. . . . If you will simply imagine your life as you want it to be, all cooperative components will be summoned. And even more important, all components that are summoned will cooperate. It is Law.” – Maximize Your Love Potential
A year ago, my marriage was so shredded that every breath in the household held back anger and venom. The pain was so great, I would have done next to anything to end it. But, for the love of my child, I held the vision of a family, where she had two parents that had a family relationship. I truly believed it was possible, although it did not seem probable. And yet, a year later, I am co-habitating, co-parenting and building a business with this same man. We look at each other with deep love and spiritual commitment. In fact, the relationship is better than I ever expected. Possibly even better than it ever has been. I know my gratitude multiplies every day for the beauty of it.
So now, as I walk into a year of new beginnings, I do not mourn the loss of my lover, or the absence of one. When I look at what I manifested in my last relationship, it was in fact the same “stuff” I had been struggling with in my marriage, but different packaging. It was co-dependency, healing from the end of relationships, inability to commit to traditional relationship so not committing to any relationship, and reflecting deep disappointment and betrayal. When there was no disappointment or betrayal, I projected it. When the opportunity for insight and sharing arose, I reacted with violent pain instead. When the opportunity to love and support presented itself, I chose to judge and reject. I left so many times that I laugh at my own surprise that he would struggle with monogamy – I lived the belief of non-committal commitment! My energy went over and over to replaying fears, and the reinforcement of boundaries and conditions. And that is precisely what manifested. As of course it must.
Today, I am inspired to intimacy with myself. I am feeling the joy of being the mate of my soul. I am energized and exuberant as I see myself align with Source in my business and in my Self. I will be going to “Priestess School” this month. I will get to meet Christopher Hareesh Wallis. I have signed up for Foundations of Shamanism. I have a vision for a teaching and healing center. I have a vision for how I will incorporate priestessing into how I make a living. And I am deeply and profoundly in love – with all of this, with myself, and with a lover who is energetically aligning himself to be with me.
It really is all perfect. And so it is.