“If you cannot make peace with where you are, then the unfulfilled desires are very slow in becoming fulfilled because that angst you feel about things not yet happening, is an indication of a vibration that’s literally holding it apart, from you.” – Abraham/Hicks
I have a few cherished values about relationships. I believe that love doesn’t end. I believe that from that love it is possible to create and transform a relationship as long as both people want to do that. I believe that as long as there is love, you keep trying. I believe that spiritual connection is the most precious energy and is there for a reason.
So despite all indications to the contrary, I stay in relationships if there is a sense of possibility. I value growth and unlimited possibility very highly. Without them, I cannot be in relationship. I also require integrity in relationship. If that is lost, a lot of the foundation is gone. But, even with that, if the other person is also willing to shift into integrity, I will stay and work on the relationship.
Part of that is the result of being a Highly Sensitive Person. We feel things very deeply. So loyalty, commitment, and connection run into the core of who we are in relationship. We do not walk away from things like that lightly. But, there needs to be a point when that depth must be released: you cannot move a person who has decided to stay where they are. For me, accepting what is takes alot if I believe the person is choosing something that will not serve their highest and best aspirations.
When the things that once were the foundation of the relationship, like honest sharing of feelings and working through them in a self aware conversation, become the very basis for the pain of the relationship then it is time to make peace with where you are. This is likely a sign that what you are creating, what calls you deeply, is no longer in alignment with where you currently are. It is a sign that your creation is manifesting.
When a relationship ends, I believe the grief is not about what was going on in the relationship but about the feeling of loss of what you were creating. We don’t end relationships that are good and that feel in alignment with who we are. So, what you lost was the belief in what you were creating. You have a temporary sense that what your heart desired is no longer true or possible. In fact, it is the opposite. The relationship ended because it was not in alignment with exactly that – the future happiness you were creating.
I would love to be angry over the ended relationship, because there is a satisfaction in anger. But how can I be angry with a soul who was doing his best to live in alignment with his consciousness? I cannot. The ending was necessary for his fulfillment too. If anything, I feel relief. I would have kept trying because if he was trying then I believed we were making progress. I believed it was just a matter of finding the right form of relationship. But, as I reflect, the relationship form was irrelevant. It was the playing out of patterns of separation in relationship that were the blocks. That is healing, and if both people are not ready to look closely at what is being reflected to them by the relationship, own it and change it, then all the options are played out. The work is complete.
I learned something so important that shifted everything for me. In the keeping and trying, one can build the analogy of being a cherished guitar. You might buy an electric guitar and own an acoustic guitar. You still love your acoustic guitar. You will take it out and play it even though you have an electric one. The value of the acoustic isn’t made less by having a new guitar. You will grow from having both of them. You might even appreciate new things about the acoustic because of contrasting it against the electric.
But here is the thing: I’m not the acoustic guitar. I’m the music. The music has to flow and move. It has to be created and recreated. It has to be expressed. It has to become more complex then simple then expand all over again. If you cannot connect with the music, then there is no connection at all. You have moved out of the space of co-creation into a solidified space of individual experience. There is nothing wrong with that. It just isn’t the experience I want.
I am relieved, as I said. I loved the person and soul with whom I was in relationship. But by becoming stuck, I was not growing. And with every new attempt to try to connect, I was just becoming more angry and unhappy. I was acting mean and angry; I was impatient and irritated by every interaction. I loved him but no longer liked him. I was trapped by my own values and not getting what I needed in return. And now I am freed from that value. I can make peace with where I am, and know it is a sign that my deepest desires are being manifested. It is Law of Attraction that anything out of alignment with the new vibration you are manifesting must leave your circle as it cannot be sustained or exist in the new space.
Ending the relationship was the final and most loving gift possible. Thank you, thank you, thank you.