While participating in a ritual uniting love and sex within my Self, I was introduced to the goddess Persephone. Her altar drew me to her over and over. I have felt her influence for two weeks and today she showed up when I was drawing from my deck of Goddess cards.
In Greek mythology Persephone, goddess of the soul, is the possessor of its dark and frightening wisdom. But the goddess Persephone is also the harbinger of spring and a reminder of all the growth and hope that it brings.
I have felt the “dark and frightening wisdom” lately, and today embraced it. I have been meditating on death as an important part of living. I feel myself more comfortable in the dark than the light right now.
There is dark wisdom in transitions. Rumi reminds us “Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.”
I was reading C.S. Lewis’ work “A Grief Observed”. It was recommended in understanding the surrender to love and God and healing that he experienced in his grief over losing his wife of 3 years. He expresses something of dark wisdom like this:
“You never know how much you really believe anything until its truth or falsehood becomes a matter of life and death to you. It is easy to say you believe a rope to be strong and sound as long as you are merely using it to cord a box. But suppose you had to hang by that rope over a precipice. Wouldn’t you then first discover how much you really trusted it?…Only a real risk tests the reality of a belief.”
I know every moment of my experience is my own creation. But when I face my responsibility for what is before me, especially if I don’t like what I see, that belief is like the rope. In a meditation on forgiveness, I allowed my rage to surface with words. My roiling anger screams at my partners “Why didn’t you try? Why did you give up? Why didn’t you really look at me and heal with me?” Yet I have left every relationship I have been in. When things became painful, I didn’t look at my consciousness and its role in my experience. I tried to justify the flaws in the other so I could go looking for the next man. I didn’t like looking in the mirror so I broke it.
My supports rally around me and tell me of my beauty and my wisdom and how much more I deserve. But in the dark, only I can see my Self. And the dark wisdom is that I needed to shed my self images more than I needed to shed my lovers.
Ah Persephone, goddess of dark wisdom…