Is it possible to have a couple relationship, a spiritual partnership, that is not driven by or reinforces egoic nature?
Looking back on all my romantic relationships, there was always a point that I knew I loved the man, but didn’t have the “in love” feeling that made this man more meaningful to me than any other relationship. That was usually where the anger and disappointment in me began. I would feel trapped and stuck.
That is an illusion of course. On the spiritual path, freedom and growth are not dependent on the other person. But I would put more and more energy into trying to re-energize the egoic relationship dynamics, and a part of me knew that was false. Eventually I could not sustain the relationship. And I would blame Him for not trying or not being who I needed, what I needed.
Everything I’ve looked for in relationship is actually spiritual longing – my soul reaching and yearning to know itself. I’ve even selected men based on their depth of consciousness.
Until I have become solid in my own Self, my own awakened soul, it is unlikely that I can envision that conscious couplehood. And saying that out loud feels so freeing and peaceful. One day the temple priestess would like a consort. But not until I’ve become who I Am.