When I was in graduate school, I was not only poor, I was deeply in debt. I lived on student loans, and all my credit cards were maxed out. I lived in terror of my bank card being declined. I would write cheques for groceries hoping to buy myself a day or two for it to clear.
Then one day, I read a book that spelled out a process for setting a good personal budget and gradually get out of debt. I doubled my payments on one card, and when it was cleared I used that amount plus the minimum on the next card, and continued increasing what I could use to pay off my cards. The day I was credit card free was a psychological turning point.
I learned abundance consciousness through that process. I felt powerful. I didn’t fear bank machines. I was independent and free.
I have realized that codependency and debt go hand in hand for me. Binging too. If I don’t take care of myself and live as me, I spend money carelessly. I eat out. Alot.
This month, my bank card was compromised through fraud and my card was cancelled. Before the bank could notify me, it was declined. I immediately assumed I was overdrawn and broke. I felt like a bad person. I wanted to hide. I avoided the bank’s call, and was startled when I became aware that this was just routine protection. Not me being bad.
So, false beliefs. I know my weight is usually attached to going back to a secure life. My money fears are similar, in that they make me feel like I need to live to someone else’s standard. For the first time in a year, I’ve gained weight.
What will I do? It is visioning time. I have started to listen to my consciousness and it wants to create a new life for me. Its a riskier life but a brave one too. I am inspired by a possible contract in Nigeria. I am looking for global work. I am teaching alot more Priestess courses on spiritual awakening. I am taking 8 hours a week of my own spiritual study. I’m volunteering as a crystal bed facilitator.
There is a part of me that feels a big leap coming. My whole life is about to pivot. Its exciting! The leap is coming and I feel ready for it. My old patterns have been to surpress anything that isn’t safe and secure, which is reflected in my body and abundance.
But very soon, I’m about to fly. Its the same feeling I had once in Mexico, jumping into a cenote. My body literally pulled me back from the edge; then I broke through that barrier and leaped. Its one of my proudest memories. People are surprised by that story. They say it isn’t me. Except it is precisely me. And my life must be more like that.