Imposter syndrome – feeling like you are not who people think you are – is fairly easy to develop with a blog. I receive lovely comments and messages about the usefullness of what I write. These comments are beautiful affirmations of the light that flows and connects each of us.
If the focus is too much on the light, we miss the insights and value of the less attractive self expressions. The same way I felt shame at possibly manifesting illness, I can feel shame when I feel the pull of body mind grooves that don’t align with the truth of my soul. But it is the rejection of any part of ourselves that creates pain and disease, and becomes a dualistic view of the world. Consciousness is present in all, not just the things we like.
Anything we reject gets energized. Emotions and thoughts are not truth but they can point us to truth.
So, I have a history of being crazy when I’m in pain. I have often resorted to rage when my painful false belief was too great to repress. I can start to simmer in sadness or fear, and instead of moving the energy, I would boil over in to rage. Bitterness, anger, intent to hurt, intent to control, intent to overpower. It is ugly and vicious.
It has been 3 months since I’ve done this until I was triggered a few weeks ago. It passed quickly and led me to a profound insight about creating from a belief of Not Enough for Him. I followed the rage back to its source. The entire time I felt the rage, I knew the rage was false. I was not attached to what my ego wanted me to do or believe. In a day, I could cry and felt peace and freedom.
I used rage to release the pressure of false belief. But until I traced it back to its source, I was lost to it. False belief can be a powerful groove in our body minds. They create seperateness even in ourselves from ourselves.
I am not sure if I will ever rage again. It has lost its power over me, and when it occurs it is hollow. It has revealed to me what I needed to know and now it can dissolve. And so it is with each false belief, as I turn inwards to observe it and release.