Dum ditty dum

“You are in the best position possible,” said my very pragmatic brother when I was talking my way through some emotional baggage, “you are free to be anything, do anything. You are standing in the middle of everything you could ever want to be.”

At the time, I was too overwhelmed to hear my own creation manifesting, but since then I have been able to reflect on how beautiful it is to be free.  Freedom is an inner place, not a space of circumstances.  That being said, inner freedom manifests as external freedom too.

I remember a few years ago, feeling trapped by my choices.  Trapped into a specific career, a certain earning power, certain expectations from my family, requirements for sustaining relationships I didn’t want, and ultimately trapped in my own self image.  It was a self image of Not Enough.  So, no matter how much I did at work, it was never enough to result in improvements for people.  No matter what I earned, there was always something coming up that brought debt.  My family was distanced from me emotionally, or conversely they were too needy.  People I had felt connection with were demanding too much from me, or were reflections to me of what I was not and didn’t want to be. But mostly, I was trapped in a place of such limited consciousness that I couldn’t see all of that before me.  I was putting my energy into sustaining things I didn’t even want because I was afraid of who I was when all of that was no longer there.

But…something inside of me was not trapped, was fully and blissfully aware, and was moving me.  The deep longing inside me for living an awakened life was making it impossible for me to stay in a life of illusion and limitation.

So today, a few months later, I am taking a look at what IS in my life.  Your life is a reflection of your beliefs, and your consciousness.  What I have today is incredible: a daughter beyond compare, a powerful spiritual partnership with a lifelong friend/co-parent/business partner, a circle of friends who are all living consciously and new people coming in to that circle more than ever before.  I am teaching personal and spiritual development which is probably my true calling, and the opportunities to do more of that with really insightful and evolved people are exploding. People and opportunities that I could not have even imagined just walk up to me! I am surrounded by love whenever I need it.  I am accessing teachers who hold the insights to my deepest desires and longings: to transcend and embody that in the world.

Is it a lofty vision? I don’t think so. I tell people I’ve taken a vow of consciousness. I am happy, and I feel purposeful. And you know what? It doesn’t matter. It is all blissfully meaningless. Dum ditty dum…:)


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