I’ve had it all wrong.
I don’t know how many times I’ve said “But I don’t know what I want!” in response to setting a vision or deciding what to manifest in my life. I’ve been very unaware of my own false beliefs and often manifested things unconsciously. In fact, my favorite hissy fit involves saying loudly that manifesting and spirituality are all BS, that I can’t manifest and what I do manifest is all wrong so what kind of loving universe is this anyway! So there!
One of the mistakes I’ve made is looking to other people to be the voice of guidance and truth. I spent a long time looking for the wise guru who would lead me to enlightenment in exchange for my devotion.
“No one will lead you to enlightenment like yourself! In the Aquarian Age there are NO gurus. You are your own teacher, your intuition and experience your guide. Take the power back in your hands and stop looking for someone else to show you the way. There are wonderful guides and mentors and teachers of specific wisdom. But a person that believes they have the power and are still receiving personal gratification from their students are to be avoided.” Taylor Eyewalker
It wasn’t just teachers. I’ve been angry with Bhikku when he offers me support and it doesn’t line up with what I know as truth. I was angry with the Magus when he shared his truths and they contained his own projections. All relationship is a projection. I may as well have been angry with him for having a rash because I don’t have a rash. In the end, what I’m really angry over is giving away my power and looking to someone else.
Unwittingly, I’ve been waiting for The Angel Investor or The Client or The Marketing solution in my business. I’ve been looking for The One who will somehow open me to greater fulfillment in relationship. I’ve been waiting for Enlightenment and a deeper experience of life. It all sounds ridiculous when I say it. But I’ve done it.
I have ignored my freedom and wisdom, my independence and insight, my depth and my consciousness. I’ve ignored the perfection of what is in my life as it lines up with my living consciously because it doesn’t look like I thought it would. But what I’ve done all wrong is not listen to the flow of life moving through me, as me.
Right now, I’m listening and allowing. I’m astounded by what is true of who I am. Occasionally I am trying to bolt from this truth because it is wild and free and cannot be controlled. Then I remember that it is who I am, and fall in love with it. It is an In Love so overwhelmingly beautiful and more real than any relationship I’ve known!
Right now, in every moment, I’m asking what does life want to do through me. And I’m being that amazing unfolding. It’s the ride of my life.