Perfect, profound silence. Filled with nothingness. I’m returning to this space over and over.
Feeling my part in the world as a responder to flow. Not the driver exactly. But not a passive log in the river either.
The world doesn’t require alot from me. I can move towards the nothing and still interact.
I don’t quite want to be part of the same things anymore. No more drive to travel or find that next cool thing to try.
I sit at a school talent show, hearing love songs sung. They used to be real to me. I know deeply they were shells of love – emotional hot springs. Drama, attached energy. And I know I no longer resonate with it.
I’m in joy, as I feel closer to my desire for awakeness and truth. There is a feeling like panicky revision of desire as I realize I’ve died to a part of who I thought I was. I realize I feel apart. Its like being at a big party, and knowing its time to leave. That first step outside, into the silence away from the pulsing music…you know you can’t go back in. You know you are going home and that you are ready. But it can feel as if something is over. And it is.
I’m only part of the way, and I know this. There’s no turning back. Only forward. More and more Self is falling away and the process of realigning takes time. The energy can be overwhelming.
I re-ead my blog from 3 weeks ago. Its not truth. My blogs are no longer true. Or very few of them. I want to take them down so no one is misled away from truth by them.
My fear is aloneness. The feeling of having very few others to go home with, or to share and connect with on the journey. That makes me sad, and its hard to love or trust from this place. It will come. It always does.
In time, the nothingness will be connected consciousness. Today, the ceaseless call of my desire for awakeness is driving everything. All else will flow from there in time. The moments of release from longing into being are more often now. Seeing the bigger pattern is almost funny now…its everywhere and I wonder how I missed it.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.