“I’m done perpetuating my ego through struggle and making you be the witness of it,” I texted him.
“Its all good, ” he answered, “I’m sorry I haven’t been available for you. ”
Except, his lack of availability was a key part of my growth. I share my heart and soul with him because he will hold me accountable to my higher values. By witnessing me, I don’t get to hide my ego’s subtler patterns.
There is a fine line between inquiry and feeding the ego by constantly trying to get the story right. Or by sharing your flaws while re-energizing them by constantly looking at them.
I realized that my sharing had turned into a way of focusing on and energizing my ego.
“I would rather start to tell you about my moments of deepening and consciousness, ” I said.
“That would be good for you, ” he replied.
And then this came in to my email today:
You get what you pay for, and you pay for what you think about.