I was at dinner with a friend last night. Our conversation turned to those deep topics that can only occur when you are having a fine dinner. He is the type of man with whom I can discuss consciousness and business and emotional topics. I admire his ability to integrate physics into our conversations around consciousness.
We began the conversation about how relationships have been changing across time. We discussed the changes in how society views and values marriage. We discussed how long term relationships serve a very different purpose and are being reshaped by the current generations. “You will be dating til you are 80,” he observed. I paused as the truth of that settled in to my awareness.
My brother and sister have each been married for over 20 years. I admire their relationships for many things. And yet there is an aspect to relationships that still gives me pause.
I believe that I value freedom more than I value relationship. My friend asked me to become more specific in the freedom that I so value. Was it financial freedom? Relationship freedom?
Possibly the biggest freedom that I value is more of a spiritual type. I am finding more and more moments where I am released from the influences of identifying with ego. My life has become amazing as a result. I am happy. Not because of anything. Just as a natural state. And I cannot remember a time in my life that this has ever been the case.
It is also true that I value financial freedom. I enjoy demonstrating generosity and supporting people on their journey in any way that I can. I also like to just have fun when it feels like that is something I want to do.
But quite possibly the freedom that I am trying to understand when it comes to relationship is emotional freedom. I recognize that codependency has been a part of my life since I was about 14 years old. For the first time in my entire life I am NOT attached to another person in a relationship. As much as I enjoyed demonstrating love and compassion and expressing my nature with another, I do not enjoy feeling bound or confined or held back by anothers journey. I know this does not necessarily have to be true about relationship. And that is how I know that there is something more that I value. And that is connection.
I experience connection with others more and more frequently. It is not bound by relationship or by compatibility. Connection is occurring as a result of my own consciousness and shifts in the ways that I have learned to communicate with other people. I have amazing spiritual partnerships, evolving with both men and women, and I am feeling deep gratitude and blessings coming through those relationships. I am not that concerned about dating or about relationship form at all. It’s something more than that.
Will I be dating until I am 80? That is hard to say. But I know that from now on, this thing that I value the most in relation to other is building and recognizing deep connection with all those around me.