I am stuck. Stuck like a stick in mud. Stuck like a tire in snow. Stuck.
Part of why I am stuck is that I had alot of energy work to digest. I have years of things I did not process fully, and that takes time. So it is normal, and good, to be in a space of reflection.
But at some point, you close the book, and raise your head. I have been stuck looking backwards.
I have near sightedness, and energetically that is linked to looking inwards, reflecting near the surface and beneath the surface. It can also mean you do not see clearly, or you only see what fits your belief system.
For a very long time, I struggled with visioning. My vision is fairly shortsighted, literally and figuratively. I do not vision the way I encourage others to do so. I look back too much and build with incremental change.
A small part of that is because there is little in my personal circumstances that is not satisfying. My child is amazing. I have a lovely home and car. My work is really fulfilling. I have the spiritual teachers I have longed for, and every minute I am moving into a state of deeper awakening. So there isn’t much there that I am missing.
Yet I cannot help but ask if it is because I do not know how to look forward.
On Friday I am engaging in a process that will change my experience of the world. There will be no looking back when it is done – for good or for ill. It is a significant turning point, in the same way that my trip to Brazil was last year, or my trip to San Fransisco. I know it is right. I know it is energetically going to change everything. It will be a final reference point in the fact that I am truly a different person than a few months ago, a year ago…for as long as some people have known me.
No looking back. Everything is about to change. Cool. 🙂