My life is fulfilling and beautiful, no matter what circumstances arise. I am supported. I have financial freedom. My daughter is an amazing soul. I have spiritual gifts showing up all the time. My awareness and awakening have sped up and I can see the changes as life puts things in my path that have been triggers for ego and suffering in the past. While they made me sad, they did not make me suffer. That is a huge difference.
I shared some of the circumstances that were showing up in my life with a friend. He asked me what I was going to do, now that my plans were in upheaval and my image of what was possible was now at risk. I could have become really upset, because there is nothing I can do. I am helpless to control what is happening around me. Everything changed and turned on a dime. I momentarily had old thoughts come up. Maybe I could get a new job. Maybe it was time to move to Hawaii. Maybe I should move to Winnipeg. This lasted about 30 minutes. In the end, my answer to my friend was “I am firmly rooted in doing absolutely nothing.” I knew that doing something was out of my control and probably quite useless. Instead, I had a sense of curiosity about what would happen next. There was a surrender and an acceptance. It was not a giving up. I am moving forward as things emerge and flow and shape themselves, and there is no sense of hopelessness. I simply don’t need to control any of it. My personal will is not required.
This is new, and possibly not new at all. My whole life I have struggled to answer what is next for me, what do I want. Experiences and opportunities have shown up for me and I have taken them. One might challenge me and say “You have a PhD, you are a senior leader, and you lead strategic planning. You teach people how to do vision boards and manifest. You really don’t have a personal vision? You really don’t know what you want?” In a tangible way, the answer is that I made a vow of consciousness and awakening, so everything in my life aligns with that. There are no specific circumstances that goal requires. I don’t need to be in India or living in a Buddhist monastery. Everything I have needed for it has shown up to me in the comfort of my own home! Every minute of my day is an exercise in being liberated from self. As Byron Katie says, I am in love with what is.
So after my bad day, when I decided to be firmly rooted in doing absolutely nothing, my teacher told me this about how one lives from a place of No Self:
“Reality moves in obvious ways, it just does the next most obvious thing. That’s available to anybody. When we are trapped in various forms of identity, we can’t see the next most obvious thing. We aren’t simple enough or quiet enough. When we have personality and ego vying for attention, we can’t even see what the next most obvious thing to do is. We don’t even want to – we want to do what we want to do. The way No self moves is it does the next most obvious thing. It doesn’t move from a place of causes and reasons. It moves from something prior to causes and reasons. Something else moves it. What that is isn’t something we can put in to words, or control, or do. You just notice it. Something just simply seems to know what to do the moment it needs to know what to do. When ego and personality aren’t vying for motivation, there is an inner movement. It doesn’t have guarantees, it doesn’t say everything is going to be ok. Certainties and guarantees aren’t how reality moves – that is human mind stuff. That is based in existential anxiety. The world beyond self has no existential anxiety. It is always there, we just don’t chose it. No body has told us to. It has no anxiety, no weight, no psychological dilemmas. it doesn’t see the world that way. Its always there, moving from a profound simplicity and quietness. It moves in the absence of personal ambitions and motivations. As long as we are tied up in our personal motivations, it is hard to access this. Life does move in the absence of motivation.” – Adyashanti
I am at peace knowing that my reaction to the life circumstances is in alignment with my personal vow of consciousness and awakening. I desire No Self beyond all else. I have been told it is inevitable once you set that intention. My personal will gets frustrated from time to time that it hasn’t happened, and then I can laugh and relax as I realize it is ego helplessly pounding its fists that reality is not on its terms anymore. It fizzles away like a balloon letting out air. A year ago I could hardly cope with life. Now I flow with life. I have given up knowing what I want next because this is it! I have set my sights on awakened consciousness, on no self, and everything, every moment, is exactly in alignment with that goal. I don’t need to do anything.
I just have to do the next obvious thing. Seems easy enough.