It is interesting reconnecting with old friends, people with whom you have had no contact for 10 years or so. Often, the things you liked about them are still the same. Sometimes they have grown past old issues. And sometimes, they do not fit with who you are at all anymore.
“When I read your blog,” he said, “there is nothing about what I see about who you are in there that attracts me.” This was a response that stood out for me in a conversation about the possibility of reconciling my marriage. I have carried a doubt or a regret that maybe I needed to try harder to work things out with him. So, I tried.
“Sis,” said my Brother-in-Soul, “I love reading your blog. I love how you put yourself out there.” That is the comment of a close friend, someone I have known just as long as my former husband.
Neither observation is right or wrong. They are just reflections of vibration. And when we are not in alignment vibrationally, it is really evident. It reminded me of a quotation from a video with Abraham Hicks:
“Maybe there’s 10 things you don’t like (about a man) and one thing that you do, but you beat the drum of the thing that you like. You beat the drum of what you want, which is not the predominant part, let’s say, for sake of our example. So what happens is you activate within yourself the very best that you’ve seen in this person, which means you activate that in them, which means your relationship gets better. But let’s say the part that you’ve activated, which means the most to you, is a very small part of who this person has practiced being. And so, as you make yourself not a reflector of who this person is, but a reflector of only a part of who this person is, you stay in alignment, but you lose your connection with this person because you begin offering a vibration that is different from who this person is. In other words, as you look at this person in his entirety and you beat the drum of everything that he is, you’re a perfect reflection of who he is, and it’s logical that he would be in your life forever — all of the parts. But if you’re only beating the part that means the most, then the Manager called Law of Attraction has the break-up party. In other words [audience laughter], he meets someone else . . .”
For a brief time in the conversation, I let go of what I believed and know about my truth, about essence nature, and about my awareness. I felt sad about the loss of the relationship, and about the happy times. I felt forgiveness for this man, and love. I felt myself out of alignment with him. He spoke about why we could not reconcile – none of which I believed as truths, because they are all circumstances that change when two people commit to a relationship for the purposes of spiritual and egoic growth. All the pain, and betrayal, and hurt could be healed when there is love, self awareness, commitment to spiritual and egoic healing. So he just didn’t make sense to me. I felt defensive.
My spiritual partner came to my rescue when we talked later. As I cried in anger, sadness, shame and frustration over why I had tried only to reconcile, the AHA of what had happened in reality was reflected to me in our conversation. I am really proud of my blog, and I am proud of who I am. I am proud of my spiritual deepening and awakening over the last year. If one is not attracted to my ideas and sharing here, it is as Abraham Hicks says – we are out of vibrational alignment and that will of course mean that the Law of Attraction says “No attraction”. And that harmony in vibration is essential for a commitment towards spiritual and egoic healing.
This also helped me understand other endings. I have a tendancy to go back over relationships with my “Who I Am Now” lense and wonder if it could have been different. (Tantra tells me what a waste of time that is!) I have struggled to let go of relationships that I am sure could have been saved if they were willing to let me do the work to be who I am today. It isn’t that a partner didn’t love me, but what we valued and what was true of what we practiced being did not line up. If I can take anything away, it is that I have not been good at seeing the whole of the men with whom I have been in love. But thankfully, the universe is much better at making sure that we follow our vibrations.
That is freeing. That is peace. That is perfection.