I once defined betrayal as when one person in a relationship is no longer willing to sustain the illusion of what is. Within that definition, I have been the betrayed and the betrayor.
I see betrayal as one of the ways the universe offers an opportunity for awakening. I realized tonight that a lot of my anger from past relationships was about when the other person was no longer trying to be who I wanted them to be. All the times I said I was trying to make the relationship work, what I meant was I kept trying to give the other person a chance to buy in to my illusion. How dare they not keep the illusion going after all I had invested in it?
And then I realized I had done something Adyashanti calls spiritualizing the relationship. I projected a layer of mysticism or spiritual idealism over the relationship. We were soul mates. We were drawn together in some mystical way. We were following a past life influence.
While any of that may be true or false, it creates a layer of separation in experiencing what is. It kept me from seeing the whole of my experience. Once the spiritualuzing fell away, there was nothing left.
Except my sorrow over how I had betrayed myself.
Well, now I am awake enough, conscious enough and whole enough to be a lover of what is. Click. It all just shifted.