Excuses, Take 2

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Yesterday my blog was about my pledge to release making excuses. So the universe checked to see if I meant it. 

In the afternoon,  I was pulled over for a ticket.  I felt anxious as the officer asked me why I did what I did. I lamely answered, trying to find an excuse.

As he entered my ticket into the system, I had time to calm down and reflect.  I decided to take responsibility for my driving. 

In that moment, I noticed a shift.  I moved from being anxious and ashamed to being at peace. I stopped identifying with being good or bad. I was experiencing a moment and it lined up with my earlier intention from the day. How brilliant and beautiful!

I also noticed how often I returned to obsessive thoughts and feelings about the ticket even after I paid it. I have needed to let it go several times. No wonder I have needed so much time to let go of relationships. But whether it’s the ticket or a lover, what I am letting go of is my identification with the beliefs I hold about the experience.  The experience of the ticket was done, over, paid for – and here I am still coming back to the feeling of shame. Not a bad exercise in seeing how unreal my thoughts are.

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