This Is What Happened When You Broke My Heart

By Alex Miles , reprinted in Elephant Journal

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Memories, I have few.

I like it that way, for it is better not to think or to feel, and I most definitely don’t imagine.

I do not think it was planned and please, I pray, it was never intended.

I like to believe that it was just circumstance and bad timing and a mixed up, twisted round, wrongly fused connection.

Which burned out.

I knew it wouldn’t last, deep within, I remember the doubts that were there all along.

But, I ignored them and buried them and hoped, I so badly hoped that our wires would tangle and knot and become one that could withstand the heat.

Though, it was never to be.

You loved me, I am sure of that, but you couldn’t stay to see the damage—you thought only of you.

You never witnessed the tears so damned hot they scalded and left scars down my cheeks.

I remember the noise, the deafening sound your absence left behind.

The chaos and the clutter and the betrayal, the cuts and the scrapes and the sweet, so very sweet taste of days gone past.

You rejected me and so I rejected myself.

You became an obsession that filled voids.

Spaces created from your absence, pieces of us broken, chewed up, shattered and discarded for all to view.
I frantically grasped at shards, bleeding and in pain, but I held on. I knew that when I let you go I would sink into myself.

And I remained this way. Submerged.

Until I couldn’t breathe and so, I opened.

I cracked wide open and the pain of the light scorch my bruised and aching soul.

I stitched myself together, but the loose thread faltered.

I erupted and I exploded and the erosion left me weakened and raw.

So, I lay in the sun and I allowed.

The wind came and the storms passed and I weathered all that they gave.

I remained open and I lay empty.

And it was then that I opened my eyes.

I found, you had ruined us but you hadn’t ruined me.

I discovered I was glistening and glittering and glowing.

My insides, though burnt and fractured from the impact of you crushing and the intensity of the pressure, had crystalized.

You took away your love.

But what you will never find out is:

You left behind a diamond.

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