Wayne Dyer – In Memorium

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You died today.

You were one of my earliest teachers.  It isn’t so much that you taught me great hidden wisdom. Instead, you taught me how to seek and become wise myself.

When I was considering my pilgrimage to John of God, your own experiences reassured me. Your openness to experience life showed me how to be open to mine.

You taught me to chose being kind over being right. That’s still a hard one for me.

I was blessed to spend a few hours with you this spring, and to share that with one of my spiritual partners. You renewed me. I had been floundering on my path.  Being with you made it all effortless again. 

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You told us that we didn’t have to age. In fact,  you looked younger than you had  before. You said you were ready for death. I didn’t think you would die for another 25 years.

I love you, Wayne. I will miss you. Where will we find teachers like you? Who will step in to that void in the world with the integrity you had?

I know I am past the age of the guru. But sometimes it’s nice to have a person who points the path to you.

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Free to Be -well, Angry!

  That pit of anxious contraction knotted around my stomach and chest. Nothing I did today went right. The play land I took my daughter to was over packed. None of her friends were available to come. She didn’t like the pizza. And I wanted to go home. 

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I looked up as the stylist turned my daughter’s chair around and cringed. My child had grown out her bangs to have a bob. This woman had given her bangs – without asking and contrary to the style we asked for. A slow boil of rage began in my stomach. 

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I watched as the two adult servers at the play land ignored my daughter standing at the counter, cash in hand, ready to order. My anger just about peaked into me walking over to chastise them when one smiled broadly and asked what she would like. 

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It is so much easier to talk about being in flow and being open when you are -well – in flow, and being open. The thing I watched in all these circumstances was how I pulled my energy into a tight little ball. I shut down. I closed off. I could imagine the release of exploding. Especially when it was easy to justify. 

People tell you to just relax in to the situation. That’s not quite right. It is more like opening up. That tight ball would not relax. But if I consciously became open to it and how it felt, I became open to the glow of energy. Period. 

I didn’t get happier. I didn’t suddenly move to a pseudo spiritual place of transcendence. I became aware of the part of me having this experience. I didn’t label it when I opened. I didn’t identify with it. I just experienced. 

And that is a step towards freedom. 

5 Relationship Signs That Point You To Your Truth

There are lots of lists out there that teach you how to blame the other person for your relationship issues. They suggest that if you eliminate “this type of person”, you will be successful in love.
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I would like to suggest a) you attract what aligns with your vibration and b) the relationship will reflect your unexamined patterns and cherished beliefs. Together you will create a third entity called your relationship.

Here are signs that your unexamined patterns and vibrational differences are playing out.

1. You explain his behavior to others

This is an example of not seeing reality as it is. When you explain his behaviour, it suggests you are not comfortable with what others see and you hope if you convince them,they will share in the story you are projecting over top of who he is.

2. Family and friends try to talk you out of being with him.

Like the previous one, it’s possible you are not seeing the whole of reality. Often we are in unhealthy relationships because a need of ours is being met. We may ignore every thing else to protect that need. People who love you take a broader view.

3. You are unhappy a lot but believe YOU will change and do better.

A twisted version of consciousness practice can include deciding “well if this relationship is bad, then I better change since I am the root of this”. To some extent, that is true. But not true enough to take on all the blame and all the responsibility for the thing you both created – the relationship. It’s possible you must change to align with your happiness. It’s also possible you no longer vibrate together, are drawn together. So ending may be the answer.

4. You leave and come back. Again.

When you make the decision to end a relationship, there is a reason. When you come and go, it also suggests that part of you sees the whole reality, but the need being met is more important than the relationship itself.

5. The moments of incredibleness are far less than the moments it’s an incredible mess.

Relationships have ups and downs. That is how we grow. When we grow together, there is a happiness – like being apart then returning. We may disagree or be challenged for a bit. But as we grow, we often grow together – particularly if we value the third entity – our relationship. We move together towards something bigger.

When it’s unhealthy, we grow like scar tissue. We protect that one spot where our needs are met, even if it means limping and over compensating every where else. Eventually, like an untreated injury, we are almost always in pain.

So what?

If these things resonate, they are pointers towards where we have spackled over our true nature with illusions and false beliefs. It may be beliefs caused by abuse, by trauma, or by repeated views by those around us. Regardless, they are direct pointers to the longing of our deeper nature wanting to be expressed.

In a healthy relationship, you will do the work together. In a relationship that is over, as you change, there will be more discord and friction.

But friction polishes diamonds.
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Off the Cliff

I met Cliff yesterday. He was quiet when we were introduced. I was one of many people he would meet this day, each day, in his job. We knew this relationship would last no more than a day.

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But for that day, we implicitly agreed that I would respect his instinct and strength. He would take care of me, show and teach me things that I had not seen or done before. I would learn strength and harmony and balance, if I was willing to hand over control to his know how. If I could trust.
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And I did. I surrendered. We silently moved together in flow. When I lost the rhythm,  he would patiently correct me. When I was not in balance, he would compensate for my body with his own.

After several hours, my body ached. My muscles rarely worked this way.  How many years had I lied to myself, limited myself, saying I had bad balance? Cliff disagreed and didn’t bother to fight it – he just stayed in flow.

I will probably never see Cliff again.  It wasn’t that type of connection. It was more about moving me past myself.

It was about falling from the precipice of my self illusion, a cliff made from my own dull sleep. And it was about surrendering to trust, in the form of other.
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Mountains and Molehills

Poof! All gone. All changed.

For 15 years,  when I have gone to the mountains, I have gone from the initial calm and happiness of travel, to a subtley expanding anxiety and irritability as the trip proceeded. By the time I would leave,  I would swear not to return.

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The stories I told myself were things like “I am mildly claustrophobic…the mountains  oppress  me…” or “I am sensitive to energy and aggression. Mountains emerged as a form of violence…”

BS

I was in bad relationships – relationships that were in effect stories too. That’s it. That’s all. As the vacations with the men extended,  my tolerance of the BS relationships began to wear against the equal peace within me striving to take me over.

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It was a story. Like any story.

This week, I went to the mountains. No anxiety. No anger. So much peace and happiness that I tried to extend my stay. I wanted to be there longer.

I kayaked. I went horse back riding. I bathed in hot springs under a mountain Vista. I ate gourmet meals. I loved. I laughed. I meditated. I star gazed. I was glorious!

What has changed is my ability to be with and accept what is. To be my true self and align with that.

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Unpleasant things happened. Things went wrong. There were moments where problems needed to be solved. Inner triggers asked for attention.

But I embrace those just as much. I learned as much about myself the second painful hour in my saddle as I did the first hour, where nothing hurt in my body.

And I have stopped creating stories about me. My ego doesn’t get to drive the bus anymore.

Just The Way I Am

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“You know, your freedom is nice now but don’t let it stop you from having a relationship,” he said.

And another time…

“I am so glad you decided to stop being  selfish,” she said to me about my newly announced pregnancy, some years ago.

You might believe I am insulted by these two scenarios of others viewing my life through their own lenses, and I was initially. I know now that the words were honest reflections of what other people believe.

They are great examples of Byron Katie’s quote: “There is nothing that isn’t true if you believe it; and nothing is true, believe it or not.”

I suppose in my blogs it can seem like I am advocating for freedom instead of relationship.  That is not my intent. One can be free in a relationship, at least the type of freedom that I mean.

It can seem like I am defensive about not wanting a relationship. I am a bit. I feel pressed by people who love me to be in a relationship.  I could pull out arguments about patriarchal views of independent women,  or spiritual views of how we deepen in relationship.

What I am is honestly surprised. I spent my life since I was 13 looking for a mate. I have had 3 profoundly beautiful long term relationships, and a few shorter ones since that go outside my comfort zone. Every one of those has shown me I don’t want a relationship.  That’s not to say I am not open to one. But as a conscious and awakening woman, what I desire is unique, not to be found around every corner. And I accept that deeply. Because I am in a space of awareness where I do not resist what is.

“The ego may exist as a series of passing thoughts, beliefs, actions, and reactions, but in and of itself it has no identity. Ultimately all of the images we have about ourselves and the world turn out to be nothing but a resistance to things as they are. What we call ego is simply the mechanism our mind uses to resist life as it is. In that way, ego isn’t a thing as much as it is a verb. It is the resistance to what is. It is the pushing away or pulling toward. This momentum, this grasping and rejecting, is what forms a sense of a self that is distinct, or separate, from the world around us.” ~Adyashanti

That is freedom.

What Is Love?

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Here are 5 Powerful Quotes on Love and Intimacy that go beyond egoic attachment.

1. Waylon Lewis
“Love isn’t falling in love. Love isn’t hormones. Love isn’t amazing sex.
Love is finding someone who loves you as you are, all of you—good, bad, happy, sad. But that’s not all: they love you fully as you are—and help you become better, both. And you do the same for them.
Love is friendship and passion, like earthen clay fired by heat into something new, beautiful and of benefit to all.” ~ Waylon Lewis, Things I Would Like to Do with You.

2. 1 Corinthians
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
~1 Corinthians 13:4-7

3. Coco J Ginger
Sometimes you want to say, “I love you, but…”
Yet the “but” takes away the ‘I love you’. In love their are no ‘buts’ or ‘if’s’ or ‘when’. It’s just there, and always. No beginning, no end. It’s the condition-less state of the heart. Not a feeling that comes and goes at the whim of the emotions. It is there in our heart, a part of our heart…eventually grafting itself into each limb and cell of our bodies. Love changes our brain, the way we move and talk. Love lives in our spirit and graces us with its presence each day, until death.

To say “I love you, but….” is to say, “I did not love you at all”.

I say this to you now: I love you, with no beginning, no end. I love you as you have become an extra necessary organ in my body. I love you as only a girl could love a boy. Without fear. Without expectations. Wanting nothing in return, except that you allow me to keep you here in my heart, that I may always know your strength, your eyes, and your spirit that gave me freedom and let me fly.
Coco J. Ginger

4. Anais Nin
Something changes the moment you decide you’ve found a person you are ready to reveal parts of your soul to. Something stands out and makes the moment unique. A profound multidimensional clarity resembling a piece of carefully gathered stardust; As if you are whispering “finally” and your eyes fill with light and spontaneity. As if you do not care whether your heart will melt or crumble in the process because your brief courage undoes your tremendous fear of disbelief. You live for these moments; For you are, maybe for one second or more, sweetly forced to surrender yourself to unconditional intimacy. A moment of psychological reward smashing all self-imposed disciplines founded on terror. This is all you need.
~ Anais Nin

5. Brentan Schellenbach
I would like you to share yourself with me—every stitch of you—so that I may be warmed and nourished by your tapestry. And I would not like you to worry that some of your threading is inappropriate or uncomfortable to share with me, because I am only here to accept you exactly as you are and to take interest in the way you step through life.

So lay on me your doubts, your troubles, your faux pas, your suffering, your sadness. Lay on me your hopes, your dreams, your excitements, your curiosities, your guilty pleasures.

I want to see you how you see yourself.

~Brentan Schellenbach