The Object of My Devotion

Even people who have had nurturing backgrounds, fulfilling relationships and a moderate level of difficulties will come to a point where this is just not enough.  They desire something more.  

From time to time, I get asked to deliver a workshop on consciousness and romantic relationships.  I generally decline, because I am not in such a relationship – what could I have to offer on the topic?  But I have reframed that recently – I am an expert at spiritual partnerships.  In fact, everyone is an expert.

Once, twice and thrice upon a time, I was involved in intense relationships.  They all followed the same pattern, even though the personalities of the men were quite different.  Of course, the common element was me.  These relationships had the potential to be perfect, long term, fulfilling and growthful.  One way or another, I said NO to each of them.  Because they were not enough.

I was masking my longing for the divine, for Truth, for ultimate Reality by trying to connect with romantic others.

They became the object of my devotion – my God on earth.  It was not enough for them to love me.  It was not enough for them to support me or challenge me.  They had to be a source of Connection.  They had to be a source of mirroring my spiritual self back to me. They had to be my soul mate, my twin flame.  My healer.  My teacher. It was exhausting for every one of us!

And when the relationships ended (by my choice), I felt the trauma of deep abandonment.  Why had they forsaken me? Why had my “God-figure”forsaken me?

Every relationship is a spiritual partnership, if you come from that awareness. Whether it’s a coworker or a lover, they are a reflection of your awareness and connection to Truth. They serve to point towards any obstacles between you and Truth.

I find I have burned through the need for relationship in its previous form. I have two fantastic spiritual partners; I am part of a kula; I have family and friends. I am in service to the Divine every day.

But…what is the object of my devotion? I may not have One object of devotion. Given my history of projection on the object of my devotion, I find that at this time my devotion is to service and to my practice. I feel a connection to every soul through that.

The object of my devotion is the divinity in me recognizing the divinity in you.



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