“So, do you ever talk to him?”, she asked, after a full night of connection and conversation. She was a mutual friend of a former partner.
I used to dread that question. But now, the feeling it elicits is a happy grin. “No. It was fun while it lasted, but when vibrations change, you just have nothing left but love.”
She nodded. “I know. I have run into people that I have energy with and it can be anywhere in the world – a continent away from where they live and there we both are.”
I understand that. He and I (former guy) have lots of friends in common and similar enough interests that it is more noteworthy that we never run into each other.
We spoke about the nature of relationship. My daughter’s father and I used to have a line in our How Did You Meet story that went “…we just had everything in common.” Now, I would be hard pressed to list 5 things we have in common.
“Mmm hmmm. I don’t see relationships as the knight in armour or even as happily ever after,” I said. “I pretty much am only committed for as long as there is growth. After that, I am not committed simply because it’s supposed to be a committed relationship.”
Yikes. Because that is actually true of me.
I used to read stories of amazing loves and share them as a sort of wish list of what was missing for me. I would watch the ease and connection of some friends who have 30 year marriages – my siblings included. I would yearn for that. I thought I did, at least.
That type of relationship comes with a commitment to the relationship – not necessarily to the other person but to the relationship you have created. The third entity.
In my desire to try to do that committed thing, I stayed with men. Pushed to try to fix it – meaning make him and the relationship conform to my needs.
But I didn’t work on the relationship.
If I had truly looked at the relationships I was in, I would have seen what friends and family all told me: I wasn’t happy and the men were not right for me.
So, dear heart who may walk into my life one day, know this: I will love you fiercely. I will push you to the highest spiritual awareness I am capable of embodying. We will laugh and have adventures. We will listen to the rain at night, stand in thunderstorms and have snow ball fights.
But by no means will I disrespect you or me by marrying you.