“You are so unique,” he said, admiringly. “I am blessed to know you.”
That conversation happened 3 hours before I ended our relationship.
He was perfect on paper. A professional. Same spiritual background. So handsome. Independent. Great family values.
But it wasn’t right. Underlying the patient admonitions to let things unfold was a sense of urgency for us to look like a long term couple. There was no emotional sharing of life experience – just time passing, looking for any indication of connection. The longer I stayed looking for something to stay for, the more it sent a message of commitment I didn’t feel. And one day, he pushed to move to a level we really weren’t at and it felt dishonest.
So I left. As I explained why, I didn’t use the fall backs – it’s the wrong time; it’s not you, it’s me…
I told him honestly that I don’t need a relationship for the sake of having one. I am at a place where my partner needs to add joy to my life because my life is pretty awesome as it is. I told him that we didn’t have emotion, just familiarity. I explained how wonderful a person he was, and that because he was so wonderful I hoped things would deepen. What could he do to change my mind he asked. I knew that I did not want him to change. That would not be love.
And so, not for the first time, I knew that any relationship that emerges for me will happen because I love our relationship. It won’t be because we look right on paper.
And I am so grateful for this clarity. He was resume perfect for me. But relationship is not a paper match.
One day, you wake up and just let go of all the things you have been told about what love and romance look like. You put on your big girl pants, and just know that the roles and illusions we are conditioned into just won’t do anymore.
And for seeing that so clearly, I am deeply grateful. Joyful. So free.