Bending Time

I am told time feels slow when you are young and passes too fast when you are older. 

It is a matter of belief. 

If you believe your remaining time is getting shorter, this is a false belief. None of us know the day we will take our last breath. People who live to be 100 may have expected to pass at 70 – what a waste if they lived those 30 years believing time was getting shorter. 

When we are kids, we are more likely to live in the now. The now is infinite. It is when we live in the past or the future that we get messed up. Neither exist, so they are easy to project our beliefs and fears over top. 

My days are no shorter or longer than before. I experience my days in terms of energy – intense, loving, flowing. I surrender to the moment (at least that’s the intention). 

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Aging is Just Another Ego Structure

“That is just how it is when you get older…”

“Everything starts to fall apart once you hit 40.”

“You aren’t valued for your wisdom as you age – the younger staff get the opportunities.”

I have heard several spiritual teachers say the equivalent of “Aging is Optional”.  Wayne Dyer said it, and Christian Northrup teaches it. That is not to deny that the body changes.  We transition through many body changes: baby, toddler, child, teen, adult, pregnancy, etc.  The way we see aging significantly impacts the way we experience it.

In Chasing Enlightenment, Adyashanti talks about aging as a tool for moving us past the constructed self.  He suggests that at some point, usually between 40 and 60, we are no longer able to reconstruct the image of self we have spent most of our lives building.  We can’t sustain our career identity, as we may have hit the peak of positions we can attain.  We can’t sustain our illusion of invincibility, as our bodies change. Gradually, those things we have spent a life time putting in to place as Me are no longer true.

Many people are terrified of that.  They grasp at whatever is possible to hold on to a fragile ego identity that will inevitably fall away as death. The question is if you are willing to die to  your ego while you are alive, and live in that freedom.

Personally, I feel great relief in the knowledge that nature has designed life to assist us in letting go of ego structures and increase the opportunity for us to be fully Awake. I have been actively devoted to seeing the ways in which I create separation for a few years now, with varying success.  One noteworthy success is that, where as the knowing that I will die someday used to invoke terror, it now feels peaceful and beautiful. I know that I will come to be released fully from my mind and my ego.

I have never been one to fear getting older.  I don’t have a mental model of aging.  I have no expectations and no script to follow.  That is one blessing of having a young child at a time when many of my peers are grandparents and retirees.  My life is my own, not a pre-written script.

And that too is incredible freedom to be fully alive.

Ageless Living: Why Botox Ain’t It

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Aging is optional. 

Have you noticed that our stereotypes about “old” have been challenged in the last twenty years? People who are 50 look and act like 35 year olds. 70 year olds are running marathons. And there is always Betty White...

My favorite spa started to offer Botox. I find myself out of alignment with that and don’t want to walk back in. I know no one is making me take Botox.  But I think being around the Consciousness of Botox ages a person.

“Age is just a number, and agelessness means not buying into the idea that a number determines everything from your state of health to your attractiveness to your value.” –Christiane Northrup

In the west, we live in a society that messages the importance of women remaining young and sexually desirable to all men of all ages all the time. This sexist patriarchal attitude is a dangerous illusion for men and women if you are drawn to go beyond ego. The first level illusion we dissolve on the spiritual path is the belief that we are this body. If you identify with the body, you may also accept the false messages that go with that – health is everything,  young is beautiful, thin is healthy, self-improvement is a sign of growth and wisdom….and so on.

“Ageless living is courageous living. It means being undistracted by the petty dramas of life because you have enough experience to know what’s not worth worrying about and what ought to be your priorities.” -Christiane Northrup

So why is Botox a threat to ageless living?  I think of it like this: what does it feel like to use the senior’s discount at stores? Does it reinforce your vitality?  Your prosperity? Or does it mask you with an image of decreasing financial resources, powerlessness, and fragility? 

When you chose Botox, or other injectables,  you are saying there is something wrong with the natural process of aging. It is a rejection of self.

“Your beliefs and thoughts are wired into your biology. They become your cells, tissues, and organs. There’s no supplement, no diet, no medicine, and no exercise regimen that can compare with the power of your thoughts and beliefs. That’s the very first place you need to look when anything goes wrong with your body.” -Christiane Northrup

There is a practice called Face Reading that suggests that your emotional patterns show up in the structure of your face and in your body. If your face is not reflecting your vitality, go into nature. Sit under the sky. Connect with your divine self.

When you get Botox,  you build an internal message about you, your vitality and your value that places all the power outside of yourself. It is about fighting aging instead of living agelessly and from your vitality.

“You can glow with vitality if you see yourself as an expression of the Divine and a being through which the Divine Beloved operates.” -Christiane Northrup

So skip the Botox and connect with your vitality. It takes longer, but it lasts a lifetime. 

Aging Is Not Old

I met a new friend last summer at a music festival.  When I dropped them off, our mutual friend asked him how old he thought I was. His impression was late thirties. In fact, I am late forties.

While that is sweet, I am not fussed about aging. I am aware my body is changing in ways related to age, specifically fertility. At one time, that felt like a loss but it was for relationship reasons, not pure loss on my part.

Is aging about getting old? Is it about loss? I am unconvinced. 

“You can’t change a belief that is unconscious. But once it’s conscious, then you are in the driver’s seat of your own life.

I devoted all of 2014 to crafting, documenting, and living a new story about age. In a nutshell, I’ve been reveling in getting older myself. I’ve become more flexible, happier, more fit, and more optimistic about the future than ever. That’s because I’ve learned how to get older without any of the deterioration or decline that our culture has taught us is standard after the age of 50.

I’m not alone. Many of you are living the same way, knowing that some of your best years are AHEAD.

Still, you’d have to be living under a rock to avoid the deadly effects of our inherited and time worn beliefs about what is supposed to happen as you get older.

Here’s the truth:
It is your beliefs—and the behavior that stems from those beliefs—that largely determines your experience of moving through time.” — Christiane Northrup, M.D.

The other day, I slept on the floor with my daughter in the fort we had built.  Then I did it again. By the third day, my back was pretty stiff.  A friend quipped “Age will catch up with you!” I halted, because that just didn’t feel true. An hour of yoga later, and my flexibility had returned. Was age to blame?

What I know is that my beliefs about aging have very little to do with loss and more to do with possibilities.

Today, if you are ready to change your beliefs about aging, take a look at this article on over 60s.

And if you are looking for something deeper, try Dr Northrup’s work. 

Dating til I’m 80

I was at dinner with a friend last night. Our conversation turned to those deep topics that can only occur when you are having a fine dinner. He is the type of man with whom I can discuss consciousness and business and emotional topics. I admire his ability to integrate physics into our conversations around consciousness.

We began the conversation about how relationships have been changing across time. We discussed the changes in how society views and values marriage. We discussed how long term relationships serve a very different purpose and are being reshaped by the current generations. “You will be dating til you are 80,” he observed. I paused as the truth of that settled in to my awareness.

My brother and sister have each been married for over 20 years. I admire their relationships for many things. And yet there is an aspect to relationships that still gives me pause.

I believe that I value freedom more than I value relationship. My friend asked me to become more specific in the freedom that I so value. Was it financial freedom? Relationship freedom?

Possibly the biggest freedom that I value is more of a spiritual type. I am finding more and more moments where I am released from the influences of identifying with ego. My life has become amazing as a result. I am happy. Not because of anything. Just as a natural state. And I cannot remember a time in my life that this has ever been the case.

It is also true that I value financial freedom. I enjoy demonstrating generosity and supporting people on their journey in any way that I can. I also like to just have fun when it feels like that is something I want to do.

But quite possibly the freedom that I am trying to understand when it comes to relationship is emotional freedom. I recognize that codependency has been a part of my life since I was about 14 years old. For the first time in my entire life I am NOT attached to another person in a relationship. As much as I enjoyed demonstrating love and compassion and expressing my nature with another, I do not enjoy feeling bound or confined or held back by anothers journey. I know this does not necessarily have to be true about relationship. And that is how I know that there is something more that I value. And that is connection.

I experience connection with others more and more frequently. It is not bound by relationship or by compatibility. Connection is occurring as a result of my own consciousness and shifts in the ways that I have learned to communicate with other people. I have amazing spiritual partnerships, evolving with both men and women, and I am feeling deep gratitude and blessings coming through those relationships. I am not that concerned about dating or about relationship form at all. It’s something more than that.

Will I be dating until I am 80? That is hard to say. But I know that from now on, this thing that I value the most in relation to other is building and recognizing deep connection with all those around me.

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