Bending Time

I am told time feels slow when you are young and passes too fast when you are older. 

It is a matter of belief. 

If you believe your remaining time is getting shorter, this is a false belief. None of us know the day we will take our last breath. People who live to be 100 may have expected to pass at 70 – what a waste if they lived those 30 years believing time was getting shorter. 

When we are kids, we are more likely to live in the now. The now is infinite. It is when we live in the past or the future that we get messed up. Neither exist, so they are easy to project our beliefs and fears over top. 

My days are no shorter or longer than before. I experience my days in terms of energy – intense, loving, flowing. I surrender to the moment (at least that’s the intention). 

Ecstasy Is Within

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I layed on the massage table, practicing shifting between Self and No Self. In no way due to something I was doing or was being done, I experienced a moment of ecstasy.

It wasn’t physical, like an orgasm.

It wasn’t a substance induced altered state of consciousness. 

It wasn’t energetic. With my practice, I can gather energy, expand its flow and augment experiences.

This was a moment of ecstasy.  A moment of joy so big it could not be contained. It burst forth from me to everyone. Timeless. 

The massage therapist didn’t know it happened. There was no perceptible change in the physical world.

It happened.

It may happen again. Or it won’t. 

I won’t try to get it back. I don’t need to.

Now that I know ecstasy is within, it is simply true.

Lunar Eclipse Chewed Me Up and Spit Me Out…Improved

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“Lunar Eclipse* Full Moon in Libra illuminates the shadows and reveals the energetic wounds in our hearts in our relationships to Self and Others. With gentle loving acceptance, it’s time to hold space for it all as we continue to choose love.” Mystic Mama

That says it all, really, about this incredibly powerful energy.  I have had 5 friends describe how they have been torn apart this month, purged and rebuilt. I am no different.

My primary lessons this eclipse were:
– respect and love for myself
– facing spiritual ego
– manifesting abundance
– opening my heart

I was pounded. Tested on all fronts. 

Death. Judgement by strangers. Cleaning up other people’s messes and saying No More. Manifesting unexpected abundance by releasing shame. Deep connection and loving relationship.  Fear of trusting and being hurt. Defending my ego identity as Spiritually Accomplished.

I had my sense of Self sliced apart.

All in 7 days. All. In. 7. Days.

And you know what? My gratitude for this is boundless. I wouldn’t change a minute of it. I was pushed back into truth over and over. I let go of the intensity of one moment because the next wave was seconds away from crashing over me. I didn’t hold on, even to judge myself.

I am the Bionic Woman of spirituality…rebuilt better for having been broken and taken apart.

Wanting and Desire: Two Aspects of Aphrodite

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Chocolate or vanilla?

Italian or Chinese?

Chicken or beef?

So often we see the idea of wanting as choice between options. Sometimes they are options of things in front of us. Other times its things we have seen that now we would like on Life’s Menu for us. But really, these are preferences. 

A few years ago, I attended “Priestess School”. I participated in a full day ritual exploring the dual aspects of Aphrodite.  Aphrodite is the Greek Goddess of Beauty, Fertility and Love in its most noble and pure form. However, she also appears in another but no less powerful aspect, in her role as the Goddess of Sexual and Pleasurable Love. We performed a ritual where the women who identified with the noble and pure and spiritual form of love formed one circle, and the women who identified with the sexual and pleasurable love formed a circle within it.
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I identified with the spiritual love and felt a sense of belonging with the other women who did as well. Our power was in spiritual consciousness.  We were intent, the movement of energy. I was moved and stirred by the women who identified with sexual love. Their power was in desire, in letting their wanting be apparent and open. We paired with a woman from the other group and released into eye gazing. I felt union with a woman whose name I do not know. I felt the connection I have felt with others in Tantric energy and spiritual practice. I felt envy that these women were connected with a knowledge of wanting that I did not have at that time. It was not limited to sexual wanting – it was an inner connection to what she wants in tangible concrete forms.

For those of us that are Aphrodite rising out of the foam of the ocean, knowing what we want is more subtle. Our wanting comes from the Silence. It comes from the darkness of the ocean. Our wanting shows up in our souls. What we want is the same as the Aphrodite of desire: love, union, oneness. For us, it doesn’t have to take the form of romantic relationship.  For us,  it is manifest in all aspects of our lives.
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What do you want? Recognize that the answer is not in preferences.  It is not going to be more money, a trip to India, or more success at work. It will be subtle, and will be more of a feeling, an energy, a movement of energy. It may be completely opposite from what you think you prefer. Yet there will be a peace when you can sense it. There is a slow and honey sweet Yes that emerges in you.

How do I know? Because I have learned how to hear my wanting in the foam of the water and the flow of Spirit.

Meet Me There

tropical-island-beach-photos-956x470Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field. I’ll meet you there. – Rumi

About a year ago, at a workshop on love, consciousness and tantric philosophy, I was introduced to a personally revolutionary idea: That boundaries are about where we meet, not places we need to defend. This was big to me because I had been told I needed to establish better boundaries, hold my boundaries, etc.  While that advice was helpful, the context of a place where we meet instead of a place to defend made boundaries a loving thing.

“Love can’t exist without boundaries, even with your children. It’s easy to understand external boundaries as your bottom line. Think of rules and principles you live by when you say what you will or won’t do or allow.” – What are personal boundaries? Often, when I consider boundaries, it feels like something I should have done and didn’t – so I am some how to blame. I have learned that my anger is triggered most often when my boundaries are not respected.  So I feel like I need to know what my boundaries are so I can set relationships up for success.  But how do you do that? It seems like a vicious circle: I know my boundaries when they are violated.

“Anger often is a signal that action is required. If you feel resentful or victimized and are blaming someone or something, it might mean that you haven’t been setting boundaries. If you feel anxious or guilty about setting boundaries, remember, your relationship suffers when you’re unhappy. Once you get practice setting boundaries, you feel empowered and suffer less anxiety, resentment, and guilt. Generally, you receive more respect from others and your relationships improve.”-What are personal boundaries?

The simple reframe of where am I willing to meet others feels less like I am wrong, and more like I am acting from my space of awareness.  I can think of ways in which that is true of me.  For example, I know that each individual holds a different world view, and the places in which we share it, we will usually connect.  I remember being in the elevator with a woman on pay day at work.  For simple chit chat, she noted that pay day Fridays were good days.  I agreed, and began thinking of how great having a regular pay check is, and how much gratitude I have to my financial freedom. When I turned towards the woman to make a comment about that, she spoke first and said, “Of course, it is all spent before I get it.  There is never enough.”  I shut up, and felt a number of things.  I felt bad for her.  I felt guilty that I make enough money.  I felt afraid that maybe I don’t really make enough money and I am too poor a financial manager to know it.

When I look back, I see that this is about boundaries, and it is also about our personal story.  I have done enough of Byron Katie’s The Work that I can now unravel all those feelings that arose.  They simply don’t arise that way for me now.  The way I view the boundary component is that I simply could not meet that woman from where she was at.  I could see it.  I can respect it as her story.  But I cannot relate to her there. I cannot meet her there.

How many times have I let go of where I am at to meet another? How often have I based my relationship on how well I could meet another where he was at? The answer is I very rarely based a romantic relationship on meeting me where I was at.  I also then put the condition on the other that since I had bent over so far to meet them in their world, they should therefore be grateful and be committed to me. I want to vomit when I lean in to the energy of that dynamic.

Every time I release a layer of ego, and can see it happening, I have an unparalleled joy arise in me. I see the divine movement, the loving consciousness gently shifting me towards living from love and joy all the time.  And I am meeting Me there, too.

What Is a Relationship Like When You Commit to Awakening?

chakras“Our moments of unconsciousness facilitate pain for ourselves and other beings.  You are not responsible for others experience, so you can’t hurt anyone else.  But through moments of unconsciousness, you can facilitate pain for others. Facilitate means make it likely they will experience pain.  You can create conditions in which it is likely they will experience pain…or joy. When you are unconscious, it is more likely you will facilitate pain.” – Christopher Hareesh Wallis

In the Tantric practice, we do an examination and dissolution of things that are not in line with our true essence.  Some of that gets triggered by the intensely powerful energy practices that become part of the daily routine.  Some of that comes from examining the day to day things that come up that we respond to unconsciously – with anger or fear.  Even happy moments need to be looked at with awareness or we can identify with them, and assign meaning to them that creates separation from truth.

I did a week of deepening, and found some sadness that surprised me.  I am over the ending of my past relationships, and I can see them for what kept me in the relationship.  I can think of my partners with love and compassion. Yet there was this sadness as I asked myself “How did I let him treat me like this? Who was I that I accepted being treated like this?”  Please know, this is not asked with blame or judgement that they were bad men, or that I condemn them as bad.  I simply recognize that what was true of the nature of our relationship is so far removed from who I am today that I cannot conceive of it ever being part of my vibration.  It would be tempting to say “Well, you had to get to that to get to here” and I think that could let a person off the hook of understanding the grain of truth that was part of the experience.  It is not necessarily true that we need to have lessons – we have energetic experiences that show up as patterns of behaviour.  When our vibration changes, so do those patterns.  No blame – no “you had to learn this so the universe taught you”.

That type of thinking is linear, and it is about being a Self/Identity.  But if you view yourself as energetic, then what you experience is a reflection of your energy and vibration in that moment.  It is how much of your truth that is shining through past the old unconscious energy patterns you have layered over top of that radiant self.

What I know now is how unconscious I was in my relationships.  I recall noticing that every relationship I had followed the same pattern, almost to the year in the length of the relationship in which it occurred.  Seven years has been my pattern.  At that point, most of my unconscious stuff has all leaked out!  And the package in which that occurred was about following a story of how relationship is supposed to be.

As a result, the extent to which an individual supported me in expressing my true self, with freedom, completely defined the degree to which I supported the relationship.  It did not matter if you treated me well or not, if the relationship was healthy or not: I was able to experience my true self, and I loved it!  And once your unconscious patterns began to limit that in me, it was time to go.

So, here I am, now living in that expression of radiant self that I relied on my relationship to give me.  What is a relationship like now, when I am already fulfilling what relationship used to be?  For me, today, the answer is that I am attracted to others that are living from that awareness and radiance.  I can love everyone – no problem there – and I can see the beauty of even the meanest person.  But I don’t want to be in relationship with them.

When you are devoted to awakening, relationship/partnership is no longer about the Other.  It is about what gets created between two people – that third entity.  At this point, good relationship dynamics are just the price of entry.  Deepening depends on that third entity. That third entity is the place in which we both commit to love and awakening, using the relationship as a place where the unconscious can be triggered, loved and dissolved.

Loving an Empath – by Alex Myles

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Empaths are unique personality types, their sensory levels are always on high alert, they are incredibly intuitive and their awareness and sensitivity to the energy levels that vibrate around them are extremely high.

If an empath senses something, they are not often wrong. If they think someone’s lying or that something is just “not right” you can bet your last dollar that they are not wrong.

Therefore, a basic understanding of this mystical and quite magical creature is highly beneficial.

Empaths have quite a few little quirks, traits and characteristics that are worth knowing about, and gaining a better understanding of, so that any relationship that is formed has a strong survival chance and also so that it thrives.

Empaths can be deeply misunderstood. It can take a little time to get to know them before they fully unravel and until their true magnificent spirit receives the opportunity to shine.

Love with an empath will be intense as they are energetically sensitive, therefore they will pick up on everything and anything that is happening around them. Regardless of whether emotions have been outwardly expressed, empaths will experience their partner’s emotions as deeply as they feel their own.

It is impossible to try to hide true feelings when romantically involved with an empath as they will likely have figured them out long before the person feeling them has. Empaths are highly intuitive yet sometimes fail to trust their inner voice as too many people have previously tried to wrongly convince them that their gut feelings were wrong.

Being a little naïve and trusting at times, the empath has doubted themselves and pushed aside their intuition, causing them to lose faith in the power they hold within that alerts them to any perceived signs of danger. That being said, the little nagging voice in the empath’s head will not subside until the reality and truth has been fully uncovered.

Empaths like truth. However hard it is to handle, they would rather be told things straight than told a lie, even if it is a white one. Although the truth isn’t always pretty, it is much nicer than spending days and nights trying to make sense of all the complicated energies and subliminal messaging systems that are going on.

If it’s one thing that empaths are amazing at it is dealing with a brutally raw and honest relationship. Although they can be rather delicate creatures on some levels, their strength in relationships is found where honesty, trust and loyalty come before anything else.

Empaths can be perceived as having hearts that are caged in. Although, this is only true when they have been deceived so many times they feel that their only option is protection. The true spirit of an empath wants to give and receive love in abundance, though they are only able to do this when they feel safe and secure that they are in a safe place to open the door and allow the love to flow.

One of the most tragic parts about the empaths character is that all too often the love is cast out in all the wrong places. Empaths feel the pain and sorrow of the whole world and feel that they want to heal and fix the world up and make things better for all concerned. This can be an amazingly powerful thing and this energy is exactly what the world needs. However, this can also be a deeply painful way to exist.

Not everyone sees the world the way an empath views it and because of this, an empath’s heart will be broken constantly and they will bleed endlessly for cruelty, injustice and inequalities. There will be many who will want to take the love, affection and the empath’s good nature with no care for giving any return.

Whilst this can teach an empath a lot about unconditional love and also an immense amount about self-preservation, it is also a deeply painful learning process.

An empath will fail to understand why others do not give out care, consideration and affection freely and why other people can so easily turn a blind eye to heartbreak and suffering when healing is what is required. Others may ridicule and belittle the empaths desire to reach out and make a difference, and this serves to add salt to their wounds.

When an empath feels hurt, what they need most is loving support and understanding so that they know they are not alone in wanting to use some of their powerful energy to heal and make changes in the world; if they receive this from a partner, a bond for life will very likely form.

Empaths will fall into the hands of those who want to take advantage of their somewhat naïve and caring nature. Again, this is another sharp lesson and one that can cause an empath to develop a sense of mistrust and what leads to protecting their emotions with barriers and brick walls.

It can also lead to an empath to feelings of unworthiness and also low-self esteem, as once they have depleted their energy reserves to such a low level by giving and not understanding how to protect themselves in the process, they can end up with a broken heart and with very little faith in mankind.

It is not in an empaths nature to take, they only know how to give, so to ensure the relationship is one of balance and is also harmonious, ensure the empath is shown love in the form of actions, so that the circle of love flows freely. Words will mean little to an empath, unless they are followed through. Their intuition will quickly pick up on something done with poor intent, or if a person’s words are inauthentic.

To love someone who is an empath means to recognise that they thrive when the flames are turned up, not down. An empath gives off a powerful and energetic fuel of love, light and radiance, though the fire only fully rages when an empath exists in a sacred place within which they feel secure enough to glow.

Empaths are soft, delicate and immensely vulnerable creatures on the inside, although, once burnt, on the outside they can appear incredibly strong. Once bitten, twice shy where an empath is concerned, they find it very difficult to forget deep wounds and to continue a relationship once foundations are rocked.

The best way to fully connect with an empath is by creating a safe and solid platform to build a future upon. If cracks appear through mistrust and deceit, it can become immensely difficult to repair them. Empaths thrive on trust, loyalty and dependability. Show them these things and the relationship will be very difficult to break.

As empaths are highly passionate people, they will often find a strong connection to a hobby or interest that others will find impossible to penetrate. Due to their creative side, they may find a resonance with music, dance, writing, art, activism, reading, Yoga, meditation, humanitarian causes or other similar interests. Whatever it is that has captured the mind of an empath will be become sacred in their hearts.

Empaths will immerse themselves in their hobbies and lose themselves completely and sometimes this can feel as though their interests are the only things that matter to them. Although they will have a deep attachment to their passions, it is far easier to understand that an empath loves all things at great levels of intensity and they need outside interests to survive and feel alive, this can sometimes be difficult for others to understand.

Space, plenty of space, and freedom to explore and submerge in their chosen activity is the easiest way to deal with this. Asking an empath to choose may not give the desired outcome that would be hoped for. The heart quickly gets connected to passionate interests, and once that connection has been made, the heart will be break if it has to be severed.

Respect and understanding for another’s alone time can make or break a relationship with an empath. An empath will not want or expect anyone else to dive as deeply into their interests as they do, however, an understanding that their interests are significantly important can really make life a whole lot easier.

There is no need to feel ostracised or unwelcome, while there’s a little chance an empath will let you fully in to their special interest, it is far more likely they will gain more pleasure when they are wrapped up in it by themselves. This is not selfish or inconsiderate, it is just simply how the empath’s heart and spirit operate.

If they have a connection to something, it is intense and they will very likely wish to delve as deeply into it as is possible. Passions are a great energy release and empaths will possibly feel as though they zone-out while immersed, and they will very likely lose all track of time. Allow them to take pleasure in it, and with the free time this has created, take up interests separately rather than allowing resentment or frustration to build.

It possibly won’t last for too long, as empaths are known to move quickly from one interest to another once the initial burning desire of connection eventually simmers down.

As empaths are sensitive to energy, their worst-case scenarios are confrontations and aggressive situations. Although under normal circumstances they are one of the least violent and aggressive characters, they can very easily lose their self-control if they become absorbed in the negative and toxic energy that surrounds them. Empaths are fight or flight characters who more often than not, will prefer to take flight and remove themselves from the weight that the energy is bearing down on them.

If situations like this occur regularly, it can eventually lead empaths to become introverted and homebodies as they prefer the safety of their own environment where they are not subjected to the rise and fall of other people’s energies. After attending any kind of social situation, they will need downtime to recharge and to balance out their own energy fields.

Places such as supermarkets, nightclubs, the cinema or anywhere where there is a large crowd of people, will be very draining for an empath. They are very sensitive to light and sound, so these things can also have a detrimental and draining effect on an empath’s psyche. An empath will likely need to hold on to their partner’s hand or arm during such occasions, finding that their partner’s energy forms a soothing welcome block and temporary release from the energies that surround.

After attending any social function an empath may feel completely drained and the effects can be temporarily debilitating, meaning that all an empath will want to do is sleep or rest, possibly alone, until the absorbing effects of the occasion have worn off.

All in all, it will take a very secure, confident and balanced person to form a solid mutually beneficial and rewarding relationship with an empath. The empath personality type is a unique and extremely enchanting gift to the world. As long as their wings are not clipped, and they have the freedom and space to fly, it has the opportunity to be a deeply rewarding, incredibly loving and spiritually awakening relationship for both involved.

A connection with an empath can be a blessing and one of the greatest gifts from the universe as it offers the opportunity to look at the world through the lens of a kaleidoscope. Everything that may have once seemed normal for a relationship will be turned upside down as a new understanding and perspective is learned and the unconscious mind is preened open.

At times it may feel like being in the company of a magically gifted being who has special powers that we have been led to believe do not exist within humans. This can be both a blessing and a curse. Nothing will get past an empath as they see, feel and connect with everything at all times.

The one thing I would strongly recommend is to peel back all the layers that society labels as “norms,” “standards” and “expectations.” We are then free to discover a brand new way of existing; giving and receiving unconditional love, being fully alive in the moment, connecting deep within the core of our primal being and reigniting all the superpowers that are inherent within man.

A relationship with an empath can lead to uncovering special gifts such as intuition, energy awareness, deep connection and a brand new level of understanding the fellow man without the need for speech. All the things the modern world has tried, for far too long, to convince us we should deny.

True love can be a very difficult thing for an empath to achieve, although with the right person, with someone understanding, grounded, free spirited and trustworthy, love can be an intimate, deeply bonding, healing, fulfilling, empowering and healthy addiction that neither will want to break.

Author: Alexsandra Myles

About Alex Myles

Alex MylesAlex Myles is qualified as a Yoga teacher, Reiki Master, Teacher of Tibetan Meditation, Dragon Magic and a Spiritual coach to name just a few. Alex has no intention to teach others on a formal basis for many years to come, instead, she is collecting qualifications along with life’s lessons. One day, when the time is right, Alex will set up a quaint studio, in a quirky crooked building where she will breathe and appreciate the slowness of those days as life is just way too busy right now! Reading and writing has always been one of Alex’s passions. Alex likes to consider herself as a free spirit rather than a commitment-phobe. Trying to live as aligned to a Buddhist lifestyle as is possible in this day and age, she just does not believe in ‘owning’ anything or anyone. Based on the theory that we ‘cannot lose someone that was not ours to lose’ she flails through life finding joy and magic in the most unexpected places. Mother to a 21 year old daughter and three adorable pups, she appreciates that some of the best moments in life are the 6am forest walks watching the dogs run, play and interact with one another and with nature. Connect with her on Facebook and check out her blog, Love and Madness.